Skip to main content

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!



I have to make this quick as I am BUSY today. BUT. Did you hear about the woman in South Florida who was mauled by two cheetahs? I read that headline and thought to myself, "Holy shit! I'm going there in a couple of weeks! What? Are there cheetahs roaming the streets there now? Are they in the Everglades? How will I protect myself and kids from this danger???"

Then I opened the article and realized that this woman ENTERED THEIR CAGE. She went in to do a demonstration and the people at the "cat sanctuary" (?!) said that one of the cats was distracted by a bouncing ball outside of the cage and then pounced on her, biting and clawing her.

I know that I'm not a cheetah. But I have actually been distracted by a bouncing ball myself. And not once, after many of these occurrences, did I knock someone to the ground and scratch and bite their back. NOT ONCE! When asked for a reason as to why the cheetahs attacked the lady I think the sanctuary spokesman should have said, "Because it's a fucking cheetah!" I think they made that bouncing ball story up just so it wouldn't seems so bad.

Cheetahs aren't like humans who have a very distinct pecking order of mammals they will and will NOT eat.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think that it would be more newsworthy if someone entered a cage with two male cheetahs and walked away unscathed. Cheetahs eat other animals. It's what they DO, who they ARE. It's like walking into oncoming traffic, getting hit by a car and then saying, "What the fuck did you do THAT for??!" And then you mumble "...asshole..." under your breath as you stumble away.


Hit me up on Humor-Blogs! It is SO like, you know!

Comments

Mom said…
Bouncing ball my ass they saw dinner and pounced!
Anonymous said…
I have to agree. It's a WILD animal. There doesn't need to be a reason for it's behavior.
Karen Pope said…
The first STUPID thing they did was going into the cheetah's cage to begin with. Grilfriend didn't listen to the cheetah when it said, "I am the fastest land mammal, ever. Wanna see how fast I can attach your ass?"
damon said…
I still don't see why people get surprised when a wild animal acts like a wild animal.
Just ask Seigfried and Roy.
Memarie Lane said…
Watch her sue them now.

Popular posts from this blog

The Dunkin Donuts Dilemna

I am always amazed when I leave my home in the early hours of the morning and there are people out and about. I can barely see the runners (as the sun isn't yet passed the horizon) but they are hoofing it up the hill. Don't these people know that they should be home - in bed - snuggled up???! So you can imagine my surprise when, at 6AM, I saw the impressive line at my local Dunkin Donuts. But we were heading out of town on a road trip with 3 little kids (all under 8) and a 2 month old puppy. I know what you are thinking...WHY??! We very anxiously wanted to travel for a little bit of more pain - AKA my 20th High School reunion. Maybe more on that later... As if this all weren't bad enough, my husband and I had been to a party the night before and I had just the slightest headache. So I needed coffee and like all reasonable people I went to the Dunkin Donuts because their coffee is THE BEST coffee anywhere! Starbucks can kiss my lilly white! But I digress... So I get in the l...

My Marvelous Mammaries

At the risk of increasing my "Weird-O" and "Pervy" visitors ( - love you guys), I was thinking about writing about breastfeeding today. Because nobody ever tells you the Real Deal about this stuff. And that's just wrong. So. When I was pregnant with my first kid I thought to myself, "Yeah, I'll probably breastfeed her. I mean, I have the hooters and everything, so why not??" Truth be told, I thought that it would be a very natural and beautiful thing that she and I would both embrace with maternal-bondish delight. So imagine my surprise when it HURT like a MOTHER FUCKER. Every time she would latch on my toes would curl in pain. The lactation consultants were very encouraging in a cheerleader kind of way, "Yes!! That's WONDERFUL! Look at that latch - you're a genius!!!" But I didn't feel like a genius. I felt like a moron who just couldn't get the idea without going to some intensive courses on the matter. And my kid seemed...

Light a match!

You know, people are getting so touchy these days. I just read this news story about a THIRTEEN year old kid who got arrested. When I saw the headline I thought, "Man, this country is going to hell in a hand basket. What did this criminal mastermind DO, anyway?? Did he steal a car? Get his moms attention by throwing a cleaver at her head? Sexually assault his little sibling??" Noooo.... No, this kid farted in school. And then got arrested. Apparently I went to school with a bunch of felons and didn't even know it. Besides, have you seen what they feed these kids in school lunchrooms?? And "The Man" is going to blame intestinal distress on HIM??! Let's file this under "Give Me A Fucking Break, Please." The teacher said that he was purposefully farting and therefore disrupting the class. Plus? This little fucker turned off a few computers that his friends were working on. I think it would be far more incredible if you could find me a 13 year old who...