The Blog of Bex

If you have ever been to a nail salon then you need to watch this. The first 60 seconds are slow but the rest is seriously worth it. Seriously. Then come back and tell me how you liked it. My nail salon is similar except here is what happens to me: Pretty Asian Lady - Do you like your nails? Me - Yes, thank you! PAL - Do you want a massage? Me - Ummm, sure. Maybe 5 minutes? PAL - 10 minute better. Me - Ummm...ok, sure. PAL - You want eyebrow wax? Me - OK. Thanks. PAL - What about your lip? Me - Excuse me? PAL - You want your lip wax? Me - (awkward pause as I contemplate a service I've never used or thought I needed) Umm...no thanks. PAL - Are you sure? You have a lot of hair there.... This is why I now spend hours each day inspecting my lip. In case you were wondering. Anjelah Johnson (comedian in the video) is funny. So is humor-blogs.com. Check it out!!

Whenever I buy a new article of clothing it invariably comes with an envelope labeled "EXTRA BUTTONS". I've recently realized that I'm not even sure if that's what is really in there as I've never - EVER - opened any of the packages. I just assume that the contents are matching buttons and one day a button might fall off of my clothes and I'll want one that matches to replace it. So I put - with extreme diligence - the envelopes in a drawer in my bedroom. I can no longer completely open this drawer. Whenever we move I carefully box them up and then find a good, prominent spot to put my matching buttons in the new house. The irony is that I have several articles of clothing in my closet RIGHT NOW that are missing buttons. And I'll bet that I have one to replace it somewhere. But looking through 300 envelopes to find one to replace a missing button on a twenty dollar shirt isn't high on my priority list. I wonder at what point I will give up my butt...

Happy Thursday, humor seekers. You should push on to your next destination. Here is all I have for today: I need a plunger. I do not own a plunger. I believe (but do not know for sure) that it is socially unacceptable to ask to borrow someone else's plunger. Therefore, later today, I will take three grumpy children to purchase said plunger. I do not know where one could procure such an item. I'm on target to have a bullshit day. Well, it won't be bullshit but it'll be something. If you talk to anyone over there at humor-blogs do me a favor and ask them if they have a plunger I can use.

You know what takes balls? Being a 24 year old American woman who gets a wild hair and decides to go hiking in the Bavarian Alps all by herself. What's that you say? You are having trouble picturing the Alps?? Well, take a gander. Pretty fucking big, eh? I don't even like to walk around my block by myself after dark. I cannot imagine thinking that this hike would be a good idea. I don't even see a spa anywhere. WTF was she thinking?! Anyway, you know what sucks? Being the aforementioned chick who fell off of a small cliff in the Bavarian Alps and was trapped on the ledge with her injuries from the fall for a few days with no way down other than a fall that would surely cause her death. And you know what takes brains? Using her sports bra as a method of attracting attention to get rescued. Some guy was walking around in the Alps, probably yodeling or something, when suddenly he sees a sports bra dangling from a rope. "Hmmmm...." he thinks to himself. "There is...

Ahh, shit. George Carlin died. I don't normally jump on bandwagons but I'd like to pay tribute and share my favorite bit from him. He nailed it and it still - no matter how many times I see it - makes me laugh out loud. I love how he speaks the truth, regardless of how unlikeable it could/would/should make him. I imagine that he started off most thought processes with, "Fuck it..." He was my kind of guy. Link to humor-blogs.com

Hello, Boys. How're they hangin'?? Several years ago my dad and I were hiking in California. It was a beautiful afternoon and we were on a mountain trail. We came upon some kind of farm that had a fence around it. Suddenly I saw it - a pig lying down with his "sac" squeezed out behind him. It looked as though someone had stuffed two basketballs under his skin. My first thought was, "Holy crap, pigs can get elephantitis??!" This was quickly followed by thought number two which was, "I would give anything to be sharing this experience with anyone but my father ." So I did what anyone could do in such a situation. I took a picture of the pig balls. I decided that I would put it on the cover of my Christmas cards that year and when the card was opened it would say, "Deck the halls...." I haven't done it yet but I will...yes, I will. You may be wondering why I brought this up. It has to do with baboons and Darwin. At the risk of dramatical...

What the hell happened to YOU ?! How did my handsome husband receive a black eye and four stitches on Father's Day??? The majority of you (in this poll) incorrectly guessed that my two year old had head-butted him. Although the baby regularly butts stuff with his head (we're pretty sure this is a sign of his stellar intellect) this isn't what caused the injury. Nope, he was, in fact, pistol whipped by a kid with a Super Soaker that looked a little bit like this: I told him that he should make up a better story. Because what kind of man gets a shiner and stitches from a water gun?! My kind of man, I guess. The doctor who stitched him up said that he should avoid aspirin and alcohol for a few days. The husband nodded and then, when the doctor left the room he muttered, "Well, one out of two ain't bad." So he's given up aspirin for the week. My hero.... Tune in next week for when he gets his ass kicked by a bunny wielding a baton. Link to humor-blogs.com