The Blog of Bex

Day 0: I heard it might snow!! I feverishly tell my kids, who whoop for joy. I immediately go to Costco, Publix and the wine shop. Not even in that order. That night, I'm so excited I have trouble sleeping. Day 1: Morning: Wake up to a winter wonderland. School is canceled. Yay!! Throw on two pairs of pants, a sweater and my rain boots. Freeze my ass off but don't care because we are having so much fun! Afternoon: First fight breaks out among the kids over mitten ownership. Have to google medical information on how best to treat chapped cheeks. Can barely feel my feet, due to mild frostbite from running around in plastic shoes that have zero insulation. Night: Knock back my evening cocktail like my life depended upon it. Rinse and repeat. Day 2: Unbelievably, the girls who normally have to be pried out of bed with a crowbar in order to make it to school in time have woken up at 5:30 in the morning and are downstairs fighting over who gets the last of the Special K. Th...

Once upon a time there was a man called Jose A. Cruz who hailed from Clarksburg, West Virginia. He was 34 and, I would guess, funny looking. One evening he went out with the boys and "had a few". Just all in good fun. Boys will be boys, you know.... On the ride home he figured that if he didn't turn his headlights on he wouldn't have to deal with any awkward questions from The Law. It must have been quite a surprise when he was pulled over because of the lack of headlights. The responding officer noticed that he reeked of cheap booze and had slurred speech so they gave him a field sobriety test which he failed not once, not twice, but THRICE. Somewhat predictably, they arrested him. He was transported to the police station for a breathalyzer test. Not to be outdone, our hero - after what I'm sure was some serious and lucid self-reflection - tilted over to his side, farted loudly and fanned the nastiness into the face of his arresting officer. Did you hear that??? ...