The Blog of Bex

There are few things in this world that I just completely loathe. Snakes are at the top of the list. As is the piece of gristle I always seem to find when eating hotdogs and hamburgers (what the fuck is that thing anyway?! A knuckle?? A nipple?? A ::gulp:: toe nail or something??! WAIT. Don't tell me. I can't handle the truth.). But just as offensive as the above has to be the dreaded camel toe. For my mother (and any other readers who don't know about this phenomenon) I will explain. Here is what the toe of a camel looks like: A camel toe is found on women who have their pants crammed impossibly up their hoohah's and there is a visible crack. You can clearly see the outline of their junk. You may even, dependent on a good light source, be able to screen for genital warts and other physical abnormalities. (Note: my husband said that this was too gross to print. But I did it anyway. I've always been an ass when it comes to that kind of stuff. I really have no idea w...

I know you've probably had trouble focusing on all of your other very important work while waiting to hear WTF this is: I was planning on having a poll to determine the winner but the fact is one of you knew exactly WTF this thing is. Color me surprised! Besides, figuring out how to use the poll creator software would have taken me forever. So, without further ado, let's give a big hand to Alice of Honey Pie Blog fame ! If you have a second go check out her blog...she's a funny lady! OH! I almost forgot - the winning answer. Smarty pants Alice knew that this is a Bush Baby and it was probably saying, "If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill...as God is my witness, I'll never blink again." All I know is that this fucker is haunting my dreams. Kudos, Home Girl!!! Way to know your rodent-esque mammals! Feed to humor-blogs

OK, kids, one more day to enter my inaugural contest which is tentatively called, WTF is that ???! Click here to enter: Let's close it by end of day Tuesday, shall we? Good luck! Feed to humor-blogs.

I have a challenge for you. It's a little game I like to call WTF is that ?! So take a look and then let me know WTF you think it is and WTF you think it is saying/thinking. Because I really want to know. I also want to know if it bites or if it just stares at you with its hypnotic yellow stare until your brains squeeze out of your ears. The winner of this contest (yes, it's officially become a contest since I wrote the last paragraph) will get (more of) my undying adulation. Not to mention NOTORIETY, which is pretty super awesome. And did I mention the adulation?? Humor-blogs! Don't go to the light! We need you..........you....complete...us.. .. PS Mom - if you are reading this WTF=what the fuck. Just thought you should know that to appreciate the essence of this particular blog post. It is, after all, important stuff we're working on here. PPS Here is a little something that may, or may not, be related to the creature above: I've said it once and I'll say it ...

I don't have a housekeeper which is unfortunate as I suck at cleaning stuff. And this is why I live vicariously through my friends and neighbors housekeeping experiences. And as soon as someone comes to my blog and spends millions on my Amazon.com link then I'll be able to afford somebody. Ooops. Does that make me sound bitter??? Cuz I'm not. Just click on my humor-blogs link to nowhere and I'll be happy. Anyway, on to today's topic. There is one lady who cleans for the majority of the neighborhood. She's from Brazil and doesn't speak any English. The funny thing is that she doesn't speak any Spanish, either. She speaks Portuguese, which is what most people from her country speak. But some folks in my hood just seems to ignore that fact and continue to speak to her in either broken high school Spanish or in slow English that is this loud . It must kind of suck to be so misunderstood. It's bad enough that scraping your husbands errant urine off of th...

Cesar. If you are listening, I would like to offer my most humble apologies. I did not intend to moon you. After all, I barely know you. And I gave up mooning virtual strangers months ago. Why did I do it???! I have no idea. Here is what happened: Cesar is a handsome Latino who speaks little English. He came by yesterday to look at our basement so that he could prepare an estimate to finish it. This afternoon I had to go tee tee and was therefore - as I do sometimes - sitting on the toilet. My cell phone began ringing in the kitchen and as my husband has been sick I did a quickie wipe and then ran out of the bathroom to retrieve to phone to ensure that the husband hadn't passed out or something. My pants were somewhere between my knee's and ankles. It wasn't the hubs. It was Cesar. Who was at my house. Outside my front door. In eye shot of the potty from which I fled, pantsless. It's nice to meet you, too. Thank you for hand delivering your proposal and for calling me t...

Things that suck about today: Husband has influenza. And, according to him, nobody has ever been sicker. Dog is still bleeding from her tutu. Having a dog in heat is HIGHLY overrated. Both daughters cannot find their sneakers. Seriously - what are the odds?? Son is still two years old (and therefore having tantrums in every public forum we forage into). Hubs and I are both on a diet. He's lost 14 pounds. Me? 6. (that mother fucker) Things that don't suck about today: I don't have influenza. Yet. My kids aren't sick. Yet. It is a beautiful day in Atlanta. Humor-Blogs.com is back up! Woo Hoo! There you have it, folks. The Monday afternoon, pre-cocktail update. Cheers!