The Blog of Bex

I have taken several self-defense courses in my day. I'd say it's a good thing to be as prepared as possible when violently attacked. Hopefully, if it ever happens, I won't stand there with my thumb up my ass wondering, "Do I smack him in the nose first and THEN stomp on his foot...or is it the other way around?? Or, maybe I should contemplate my 'Fight or Flight' options again...." So when I read the story about an 88 year old woman in Oregon who was attacked in her own home by a NAKED intruder who chased her through the house and then shoved her face down into a chair, I briefly wondered what I would do (beyond defecating in my pants) if something like this were to happen to me. I cannot imagine how terrified she must have felt. But I do know something that she felt - and that, Ladies and Gentlemen, would be his "package". After having her face shoved down into her own chair, she must have thought, "You know what? I don't FUCKING THINK...

Well...hey there, hi there, ho there! Yes, I took a powder for a while.... I'm writing because I began to fear that you would assume that I allowed my husband to talk me into joining him in a 7 night, 8 day cruise in the Caribbean where I might have "thrown myself" off of our balcony into the churning sea. Rest assured, if that happens, that I am good and pissed off while waiting for a shark to eat me. GOOD and pissed off. And I'm probably still holding his recently ripped off nipple in my right hand, too. So here is the deal - I moved to Florida last week with my family. I'd like to get all whiny about the trauma of it all but I must admit we've been enjoying some crazy sweet weather - it's seriously almost 80 every day around here. We've taken our three kids to the beach a few times, too, and it's packed. Everybody lines up for a chance at blistering nose, I guess. As long as it doesn't involve me and a shark, I'm there. Anyway, I'...

Why must we have people like Governor Blagojevich of Illinois??? What a complete and utter tool. He put a Senate seat up for the highest bidder. I'm surprised he didn't use eBay. Spitzer must be relieved to be replaced by such an OBVIOUS dickhead in the media. Spitzer is like, "Hey...all I did was put the stones to a hooker...it's not like I was selling Senate Seats on the sly...." Let me guess...some day REALLY soon we're going to see a press conference where Blago-whatever's wife blindly follows him out on a stage where he admits to being a total piece of shit while the crowd collectively gasps. OR...he'll commit himself to rehab somewhere.... And THEN he'll have a press conference (with a xanaxed out of her mind wife by his side) where he says, "I was in the grips of a DISEASE when I said that! Now that I'm clean and sober...well, I'm no longer a lying, conniving jackass! Nope! I no longer lust after money and glory...I've basic...

You know...the economy is freaking me out. I suppose it's freaking out a lot of us. There are so many things to worry about - the poor are having a tough time. And the ill-informed AND poor, well, those poor bastards are really taking it up the corn hole. My regular readers will know that the house of Bex was not spared bumpy times...the hubs was laid off in September and was lucky enough to get an AWESOME offer from a new and improved company - but we have to move to Florida. So we are, as I speak, preparing to move from a place and home we love. But like I said - we're really lucky. I have actually pitied the banks throughout all of this. They are really getting raked over the coals. The very people who went into the banks on their hands and knees, begging for money are now throwing rocks through bankers front windows, denouncing their having "taken advantage" of those either unwilling or unable to read the fine print of mortgage documents. Give me a break. Take...

Many moons ago, when the hubs and I were newlyweds we had a job with a local catering company for weekend work. We enjoyed the extra income and it barely felt like we were working as we were spending time together. (All together now - aawwwhhhh....) One night we were employed to work at a very elegant company Christmas party at the Convention Center. The event was beautiful - everyone was in either a tux or a gown. There was a band, lots of beautifully displayed food and - everyone's favorite - an open bar. Don and I were bartending and got to share a bar which was fun. Our bar had been decorated for us and was extremely festive with many votive candles, holly leaves and confetti. Just working there was putting me in the holiday mood. There was a table of ten sitting close to our bar and they were rocking the margarita's this evening. Everyone was pretty shit faced. What can I say? I make a mean 'rita. Towards the end of the evening one of my margarita ladies stood up at he...

You know, people are getting so touchy these days. I just read this news story about a THIRTEEN year old kid who got arrested. When I saw the headline I thought, "Man, this country is going to hell in a hand basket. What did this criminal mastermind DO, anyway?? Did he steal a car? Get his moms attention by throwing a cleaver at her head? Sexually assault his little sibling??" Noooo.... No, this kid farted in school. And then got arrested. Apparently I went to school with a bunch of felons and didn't even know it. Besides, have you seen what they feed these kids in school lunchrooms?? And "The Man" is going to blame intestinal distress on HIM??! Let's file this under "Give Me A Fucking Break, Please." The teacher said that he was purposefully farting and therefore disrupting the class. Plus? This little fucker turned off a few computers that his friends were working on. I think it would be far more incredible if you could find me a 13 year old who...

This picture will make sense in a minute. But before we get started, can you get a load of that mullet?! Sweet niblets! Anyway.... My white carpet needs to be cleaned. So I bought some oxy stain remover, rented a carpet steamer and went to work. It worked pretty well but there was a suspected mold stain that didn't come out so I googled "how to get mold out of carpet". One of Googles suggestions was a link to a website called FunAdvice.com so I checked it out. And that's when I saw it; one of the categories at the bottom of the page invited me to learn how to make a homemade vibrator. A...wha...??? Being the amateur scientist that I am, I felt obligated to check it out. You know, for sciences sake (and maybe a little bit because my husband is out of town). Apparently MacGyvers lesser educated sister uses this website because I saw the following post: did you ever get to make this home made vibrator? We are considering this. I love my mans shape of his pen*s. He wants ...