You GO, Grandma!

I have taken several self-defense courses in my day. I'd say it's a good thing to be as prepared as possible when violently attacked. Hopefully, if it ever happens, I won't stand there with my thumb up my ass wondering, "Do I smack him in the nose first and THEN stomp on his foot...or is it the other way around?? Or, maybe I should contemplate my 'Fight or Flight' options again...."

So when I read the story about an 88 year old woman in Oregon who was attacked in her own home by a NAKED intruder who chased her through the house and then shoved her face down into a chair, I briefly wondered what I would do (beyond defecating in my pants) if something like this were to happen to me. I cannot imagine how terrified she must have felt.

But I do know something that she felt - and that, Ladies and Gentlemen, would be his "package".

After having her face shoved down into her own chair, she must have thought, "You know what? I don't FUCKING THINK SO." So she reached her arm behind her back, grabbed his junk and squeezed - HARD. According to the news reports he "tore himself free" and fled. [Any man reading this just squeezed his knees together and leaned forward with a grimace on his face.]

I hereby award this 88 year old firecracker the "You GO, girl!" award.

All day long I'm going to be singing to myself, "Go, go go - Go Grandma. It's your birthday! We're gonna party like it's your birthday! Sip Bacardi like it's your birthday! Go Grandma!"

He's lucky she didn't rip it off and smack him with it.


Jormengrund said…
Think about this for a second Bex..

At 88, she might have been trying to rip it completely off, since she's obviously not had somethign real like that in a while..

Makes for a great souvenir, and play toy when the time comes.. (sorry, bad pun!)
Beck said…
That was an interesting post.

I laughed out loud when you wrote:

"He's lucky she didn't rip it off and smack him with it."

Ah, it's good to have you back girl! You're funny.
Bex said…
I don't know, Jormengrund, dicks are pretty much a dime a dozen anymore.

Beck - Thanks! How's the painting coming along? I now think about you whenever I see a winter scape - I wonder if the artist struggled with freezing paints!

Happy New Year!!!
Dog Breath said…
If you move to Florida are you automatically retired now?

Hows your IQ holding up?

[end of Florida stereotypes]
Anonymous said…
Glad to see you back, Bex. We've missed you.
Diesel said…
Sticking your thumb up your ass is actually the first move in a complex martial arts maneuver known as the "Rabid Skunk."
Merrie said…
Hey, if he's going to just leave them hanging around in plain sight, he's just asking for it! Go Grandma!!
Bex said…
Dog Breath - You do realize that I moved here from GEORGIA, don't you? I'm not planning on throwing any stones....

Thanks, Unfinished! It's good to once again have enough spare time to devote to something that earns no money. (Wow. That is, quite possibly, the worst grammar I've ever thrown into one sentence. Wow.)

Diesel - Oh, I'm a semi-pro stick my thumb up my asser. Don't worry about me....

Merrie - You can say THAT again! Now that they've caught him and he's in jail, I wonder what his next move is. Sadly (for him) he stands an excellent chance of being someone's "bitch" in the joint. After all, he's already had his ass kicked by an 88 year old.

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