Skip to main content

Light a match!

You know, people are getting so touchy these days. I just read this news story about a THIRTEEN year old kid who got arrested.

When I saw the headline I thought, "Man, this country is going to hell in a hand basket. What did this criminal mastermind DO, anyway?? Did he steal a car? Get his moms attention by throwing a cleaver at her head? Sexually assault his little sibling??"

Noooo....

No, this kid farted in school. And then got arrested. Apparently I went to school with a bunch of felons and didn't even know it.

Besides, have you seen what they feed these kids in school lunchrooms?? And "The Man" is going to blame intestinal distress on HIM??!

Let's file this under "Give Me A Fucking Break, Please."

The teacher said that he was purposefully farting and therefore disrupting the class. Plus? This little fucker turned off a few computers that his friends were working on.

I think it would be far more incredible if you could find me a 13 year old who doesn't fart on command and then fall to his knees in laughter. In fact, invert the age and find me a 31 year old who isn't the same way. I double dog DARE you.


Comments

Jormengrund said…
Heck, I'm 36, and my wife SWEARS that I've got stock in air fresheners!

There was a time, not so long ago, when teachers actually let kids be.... KIDS!

I don't know what they're expecting now. Maybe if we all arrested the little hooigans for acting so childish, they'd grow up faster!

Wait, is that why planned parenthood classes are so full nowadays?
Daisy said…
I am the mom of 4 boys and 2 girls. We all die laughing when someone farts. I'm 48 years old and still appreciate a good ol' "fart fest" that the kids will provide. My girls are no slouches in this department- never to be outdone by their 4 brothers. I read about this poor kid too. Ridiculous.
Anonymous said…
Safety!!
Anonymous said…
I farted when I read this,,,LOL

#1
Anonymous said…
It's unfair, because at school you can't blame it on the dog.
robkroese said…
All 13 year olds belong in jail.
Awesome. I should've gotten in trouble a lot at that age, then. I stunk.

Popular posts from this blog

Florida: The Good. The Bad. The Holy SHIT!!!

So you know...I live in Florida now. The good news is that my southern accent is stronger than ever - I think it was some sort of defense mechanism...of or for what, I have no idea. I definitely miss Atlanta and my friends, though, especially now. Spring in Atlanta is SO beautiful. But Florida is pretty nice, too. We go to the beach at least once a week and we all love having a pool in the backyard. Also, my husband makes me a Planter's Punch every night and I don't even feel guilty by knocking it back - we're on vacation, right?? A couple of weeks ago I was reading the news and saw this weird picture: In case your eyes can't make sense of it, I'll give you a hint. It's not a puppy. I'm guessing it's not an air freshener, either. It is, in fact, a Burmese Python that ruptured and now has a really big dead Alligator sticking out of it's stomach. Oh, and something ate the snakes head off. That's why there is no head there. National Geographic has

Oooohhh...I just LOVE when you wrap it around me... do it again, please?

I had heard that "crack" kills. I just never really believed it until I saw it with my own eyes. (Bless his heart.) About 3 years ago I was 6 months pregnant and had two daughters (aged 4 and 5). We were all traveling from Bellingham, WA to Atlanta, GA with a VERY brief layover in Dallas. We were booked on a major airline that should remain anonymous as they are a bunch of asshats (but they rhyme with "Mamerican Mairlines") and we had to leave for the airport at 3:30 AM in order to catch our 7AM flight. It was Suck City. By the time our car arrived in Seattle my husband and I were barely speaking to each other and the girls had marks on their faces and arms from the backseat smack-down they had while out of our reach. When I went to the counter to speak with the representative she informed me that even though our seats had been purchased many months ago and seat assignments had been given all of that had changed and we were no longer sitting together as a family. I

Pervy McPervert strikes again!

When I was a kid I used to make the occasional prank call. But then I turned 13 and decided that it was a fairly retarded way to spend ones time. I've also received a few "heavy breathing" calls in my day. My mom finally bought us a whistle and said that whenever "he" called that we were to blow the whistle as loud as we could into the phone. That worked although I do wish she had specified that before blowing the whistle I should take the receiver away from my head as my ear made this weird ringing noise for days afterward. But it got rid of the pervert. It's a new day, however, and perverts must be looking for new ways to annoy us. Twice today someone has texted a picture to me. I have no idea who he is or what the hell he wants. But he must think that I don't know that sometimes shirtless men squeeze their arms against their chest to give the appearance that they actually have biceps when, in fact, their arms really look like toothpicks that are broke