Let's file this under "Give Me A Fucking Break" shall we?
The Catholic Archdiocese in Cincinnati just produced a list of things that their priests are no longer allowed to do with children. They are NOT allowed to kiss, wrestle or tickle kids. Also on the "no-no" list are bear hugs and piggy-back rides. Are these not a bit...self-evident? Seriously, are there really piggy-back giving priests out there who aren't out to get in your pants?? My hubs grew up Catholic...maybe I'll ask him. He was, in fact, an alter boy AND a boy scout and managed to get out with his corn hole intact. So I guess there is hope.
But I think they might have forgotten to add a little something called "MOLESTATION" to their list. Because, if memory serves, tickling kids is still legal in most states. As is a friendly peck on the cheek. But putting your hand down a kids pants...NOPE. Not ok, not even a little bit.
I also noticed that this list only defines appropriate behavior with kids. Does this mean that it's ok to tickle adult parishioners? I'll admit that getting tickled by a priest is on my List of Things To Do Before I Die (it's listed right after I have a drunken threesome with an HIV+ Haitian whore and Donald Rumsfeld - meow).
I know that there must be millions of Catholic priests who have managed to keep it in their pants over the years. Nicely done, Gents. But this list sucks, is stupid and it's ineffective. Because although I'm not a Catholic, I'm going to guess that the "no hanky-panky" rule with the children in your parish was already well established before the Naughty Priests started getting it on with the youngsters entrusted to them.
If they really want to put a comprehensive list of inappropriate things (that does not include the inappropriate things that have already been happening) I think that they should add that priests aren't allowed to watch kids eat ice cream or have pillow fights in their underwear. And let's make lustful glances inappropriate while we're at it.
Oh, and pro-Catholic people?? I totally do not want to get a bunch of emails chewing on my ass for this post (leave that task to my Haitian hooker, thank you very much). I went to one of your schools. I've married one of you. So please. Let's think of me as a 'Catholic-In-Law' and not a 'Crazy-Bitch-Dissing-The-Church'. Because I'm not dissing your church. I'm dissing your pervy priests.
PS I tried to get some images to put on this post (because some of my readers...well, let's just say that they only read books with big pictures). But everything Google showed me looked like it could be construed as offensive. So we're illustration free today, folks.
Humor Blogs talks slowly and has lot's of pretty pictures, by the way (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more).
The Catholic Archdiocese in Cincinnati just produced a list of things that their priests are no longer allowed to do with children. They are NOT allowed to kiss, wrestle or tickle kids. Also on the "no-no" list are bear hugs and piggy-back rides. Are these not a bit...self-evident? Seriously, are there really piggy-back giving priests out there who aren't out to get in your pants?? My hubs grew up Catholic...maybe I'll ask him. He was, in fact, an alter boy AND a boy scout and managed to get out with his corn hole intact. So I guess there is hope.
But I think they might have forgotten to add a little something called "MOLESTATION" to their list. Because, if memory serves, tickling kids is still legal in most states. As is a friendly peck on the cheek. But putting your hand down a kids pants...NOPE. Not ok, not even a little bit.
I also noticed that this list only defines appropriate behavior with kids. Does this mean that it's ok to tickle adult parishioners? I'll admit that getting tickled by a priest is on my List of Things To Do Before I Die (it's listed right after I have a drunken threesome with an HIV+ Haitian whore and Donald Rumsfeld - meow).
I know that there must be millions of Catholic priests who have managed to keep it in their pants over the years. Nicely done, Gents. But this list sucks, is stupid and it's ineffective. Because although I'm not a Catholic, I'm going to guess that the "no hanky-panky" rule with the children in your parish was already well established before the Naughty Priests started getting it on with the youngsters entrusted to them.
If they really want to put a comprehensive list of inappropriate things (that does not include the inappropriate things that have already been happening) I think that they should add that priests aren't allowed to watch kids eat ice cream or have pillow fights in their underwear. And let's make lustful glances inappropriate while we're at it.
Oh, and pro-Catholic people?? I totally do not want to get a bunch of emails chewing on my ass for this post (leave that task to my Haitian hooker, thank you very much). I went to one of your schools. I've married one of you. So please. Let's think of me as a 'Catholic-In-Law' and not a 'Crazy-Bitch-Dissing-The-Church'. Because I'm not dissing your church. I'm dissing your pervy priests.
PS I tried to get some images to put on this post (because some of my readers...well, let's just say that they only read books with big pictures). But everything Google showed me looked like it could be construed as offensive. So we're illustration free today, folks.
Humor Blogs talks slowly and has lot's of pretty pictures, by the way (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more).
Comments
http://poetry.rotten.com/stained-glass/
The perfect picture for the priest part of your post. Couldn't find anything for the Haitian hooker - you know, it's the fear of CSI thing that I have.
I have heard personal stories of too many priests and I'll leave it at that today.
Sandy - Thanks! And thanks for my award! I shined it up and put it on the shelf this morning!
Alice - I know. I hesitated to write this because I know that there are so many victims out there who are still traumatized.
But then I figured that if the Archdiocese is stupid enough to make up this list and then produce it to the media, well, then they are just begging for someone to come around and point out that it is not worth the paper it was written on.
If a priest ever tried to tickle me (or God forbid give me a piggy back ride) I'd probably turn into stone from shock and fear.
All the touching and tickling is part of the religion.
Isn't it?
The priests never bothered with us gals.......lol wonder why?
peace
#2
Paul Wolfowitz called - if Rumsfeld isn't available for that threesome, "Wolfie" says he's available.
Not only would they be a bit closer to God, but it would help them maintain their chasitiy vow.
If the Pope told them God said so, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. Its a win-win situation for everyone!
BTW, I think your new lips are dead sexy (but not in a dirty priestess sort of way).
To funny!!!!!!!!
Sully - Don't even get me started, brotha.
Meg - Does it make me a bad person that I laughed at your comment? If so...fuck it. I'm a bad person. Cuz I laughed.
Sista #2 - The nuns never bothered me much. I always had crushes on my priests, though. And a lifetime of twisted infatuations was born....
Sorry, Dougie. If it can't be with Rumsfeld it's no joy. There is just something about that pencil thin mouth...woo. Is it getting warm in here or is it me???
Now, if Wolfie wanted to give me a piggy-back ride...well, THAT might be worth thinking about.
Tiggy! I think that you are totally onto something here! Gold cages. That seems perfect somehow. Nice work, Sweetie!
KC - Hey....I thought it was MY turn to play the dirty priestess tonight! WTF?!
Keeper of All Things - Well then we've all done our jobs here today! Although it is kind of bullshit when people (REPEATEDLY) leave comments that are funnier than my post. But whatever. Like most things in my life, if it makes me laugh, it can stay.
He is a very kind and interesting person who basically had his childhood and innocence destroyed by perverts wearing church approved dresses.
I bet he could give a fine review of this no piggy back rides list. And maybe add "no doggy-style games" either.
I hope that they take it all....
Just not in the way you meant, I think..
I'm out, before I say anything more, and get myself in trouble here.....