Bad Boy, Charlie. No, NO!




Why does this man continue to marry and breed?? He has a 25 year old daughter from his ex Paula Profit, 2 girls from his ex Denise Richards and now, apparently, another on the way from future-ex Brooke Mueller (btw, she's not, by any chance THE Pasta Princess of Mueller fame, is she???)

How does he even talk these women into walking down the aisle?? Don't they have girlfriends?! You know, real friends who will say, "Oh, Brooke, Brooke, Brooke! What the fuck are you doing? He likes you, there is no doubt about that. But he LOVES coke and hookers. Ask anyone! Even my Great Aunt Suzie knows that."

This is the kind of guy you party with. Go to Vegas with him. Have a nasty three-way with him and a 17 year old model at a coke fueled rave. But marry him? No thanks.

And how did she even get pregnant? Normally when you get married you don't have to worry about condoms for protection against STD's. But this rule doesn't apply to someone like Charlie Sheen. Nope, he's what we in the business refer to as "a triple bagger".

Remember, his ex-wife Denise left him when she was like 8 months pregnant. I think this might be a meaningful clue into the type of guy he is. Perhaps he gave her a baby plus a raging case of herpes? Something catastrophic must have happened. But I'm sure that in the end Brooke will be fine. She'll have a cute baby to make excuses to about his fathers behavior, and then she has a lucrative realty show just waiting in the wings for her...maybe she knows what she's doing after all???


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Comments

Tricia said…
I know he's a bad boy but there is something so endearing about him to me too. I'd probably be stupid enough to go there (although he wouldn't touch me with a 10 foot pole I assume and I'm probably lucky).

I just love Two and a Half Men and it's because of him or maybe just the character he plays which seems to be a lot like he is IRL.

Ah well I'd probably never really go for a guy that bad BUT I do understand the appeal.
Jinksy said…
Do you know what Charlie Sheen has to do in order to get laid? He needs to go up to a woman and say "Hi. I'm Charlie Sheen."

I think the problem lies within the fact that some women think they can change a guy, and guide him in the right direction. However, Charlie Sheen in like old Yeller, and you can't teach an old dog new tricks. You are just better off taking him behind the shed...and you know the rest.
Jeffrey Ellis said…
Oh God, look at his face. It's like he's slowly evolving into a scary old man who lives in a shack and writes threatening manifestos to the government.
Chris Wood said…
"This is the kind of guy you party with. Go to Vegas with him. Have a nasty three-way with him and a 17 year old model at a coke fueled rave."

Quality lines! (ummm not those kind)
Liz C said…
Yeah, poor old Charlie's looking a little rough around the edges. He's better be pretty damned good in bed. I'm just sayin'.
Sensei said…
Charlie Sheen looks at a woman and she gets pregnant. Late last year, my wife was addicted to "Two and a Half Men," "Spin City," "Major League," "Hot Shots (part one, not part deux,) and "The Chase."

That was about nine months ago. Her addiction abruptly stopped after we found out she was expecting ...

Wait a minute?!?!?!?
Bex said…
Et tu, Tricia?!

He'd touch you, I'm sure. You'd just want to be in a plastic bubble to ensure that you don't catch the mange from him.

Like I said, you have my permission to poke him. Just PLEASE don't marry him, have a baby with him and then get all surprised when he hooks up with the Olsen twins at your birthday party.

Jinksy - Yah, you're right. Maybe he's more charming than I realize. Or maybe he's hung like a rhino. Who knows. Well, I guess Tricia knows. But, I mean, like who ELSE knows.

Jeffrey - You know what, I almost commented on the face because it almost looks like a bad photo shop job where the face is too big and turned an unnatural way from the body. But you summed it up perfectly. He's probably already working on his line, "Pssst ... little girl ... there is some candy for you in my pocket ... but you have to reach in and get it ..."

Chris - Thank you, Brotha! They just flowed onto the paper...it must have been my higher power at work!
Bex said…
Liz C - I would think he would be good with all that practice. Or, maybe he's the kind of "John" who just lays there and let's the working girls do all the heavy lifting.

Sensei - Yikes. Hopefully the kid won't take on that weird, prominent chin of his. He looks like a cartoon bad guy. (Congrats on the baby!)
There is not enough industrial grade plastics I could dip myself in to want to get naked with Charlie Sheen, let alone spawn with him.
Chat Blanc said…
I'm certain the CDC has classified him as a health hazard by now.

And the poor kids, they'll have a lecherous old man for a dad!
Deb said…
"Triple bagger"?? Ewwww. Just saw a show on Biography about him, it was called "Ewwww". Seems his parents liked to be naked all the time in front of the kids. Ewwww.

Give me a triple Ewwww to go with that triple bagger.
Bex said…
FADKOG - Great. Now anytime some pervert googles "Dipping naked bodies into plastics with spawning Charlie Sheen" they'll be directed to MY blog.

Chat Blanc - The CDC probably has a whole floor named after him. And you're right - his kids won't be able to bring over any kids past the age of 11 or else risk that their wacko pops will be all, "Hey there, Baby...how YOU doin'??

Deb - The word of the day is, officially, "Ewwww".
Tazeen said…
oh you know what they say about bad boys. every woman think she would be the last one that will bring about his redemption. this one too will learn the hard way, or may be he has grown a little older to pull all those shenanigans any more, who knows.
Merrie said…
Seriously...why are some women glutton for punishment? Someone please explain to them about zebras and their stripes.

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