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The Wild and Wonderful World of Animal Butts



Hello, Boys. How're they hangin'??

Several years ago my dad and I were hiking in California. It was a beautiful afternoon and we were on a mountain trail. We came upon some kind of farm that had a fence around it. Suddenly I saw it - a pig lying down with his "sac" squeezed out behind him. It looked as though someone had stuffed two basketballs under his skin. My first thought was, "Holy crap, pigs can get elephantitis??!" This was quickly followed by thought number two which was, "I would give anything to be sharing this experience with anyone but my father."

So I did what anyone could do in such a situation. I took a picture of the pig balls. I decided that I would put it on the cover of my Christmas cards that year and when the card was opened it would say, "Deck the halls...." I haven't done it yet but I will...yes, I will.



You may be wondering why I brought this up. It has to do with baboons and Darwin. At the risk of dramatically increasing the number of hits I get from people who are "into" animals I have to admit that I found myself wondering today why baboon butts look the way that they do. There must be a biological reason for this red-assed phenomenon.




Does it have to do with mating? Are the redder assed baboons considered hotter to their peers? And do other animals think that it's as hilarious as I do to have such a ridiculous bottom?? (I'll bet the monkey's snicker.) Did Darwin ever see one of these? Bright red, shaped like a heart, and hairless while the rest of the animal looks like a shag rug from the 70's. Seriously. What the hell?!

All I know is if I had an ass like that I would never stand. I'd pretend like I couldn't walk or something. Because you just know that people would ask you for something just so that they could watch you get up and cross the room. Perverts.


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Comments

Anonymous said…
Thanks for those images to start off my weekend...

...and I know I'm behind,but I'm glad you weren't beating up your husband.
6:04 PM
for a different kind of girl said…
I'm not entirely sure the point of the red bums, but yours is the third blog post I've read today that has referenced baboon butts!
6:42 PM
tigerjim48 said…
Bex,
You're one of the funniest people I have read in a long, long time. I've been all over your website and bookmarked several pages.

You truly are a very funny human being!

I used to live in Winston-Salem, so I know what the folks around there are like--and you've nailed them!

Darlin', if I was half as funny as you are, I'd be doing 8 shows a week in Vegas and tooling around in a Bentley.

I'll be watching every post from now on (don't get nervous, I'm not THAT kind of stalker), and look forward to each one more than my morning coffee!

Soon as I get my blog going, I'm steal a LOT of your stuff (with attribution of course) and have jillions of visitors and links. (You could too if you would just get out of this network, go on your own, and spend a dollar two fifty for advertising!)

If you have ever been a nurse in W-S or Greensboro, please let me know at jimkirk at charter dot net. We may have met!

Honey chile, you're the funniest thing I've found on the net in years! Please keep up the good (no GREAT) work.

Jim
7:36 PM
Anonymous said…
One of my favorite series of books features a girl who, whenever she feels the need to flirt with any male around, refers to it as "red bottomosity." This is a direct link to the baboon butts. And thanks for the pork-n-balls idea; those would make hilarious Christmas cards!
8:12 PM
Alice said…
Can't look away from the pig balls...

My mom shocked the shit out of me once at the zoo when she comes over and says, "Did you see the elephant with five legs?"
9:22 PM
Bex said…
Unfinishedrambling - My pleasure. I always try to kick off my Friday with something worthwhile.

For a different kind of girl - really??? And here I thought I was being all original.

Oh Captain, My Captain - Wow! Your comment made my day. As for Winston, yep, I know it well. I've never been a nurse but I have reason to believe that I'd be really good at giving shots. Thanks again for the comment!

KC - You can't throw a comment out there like that and not give the name of the series! It totally goes against ALL protocol! So what is it? Pork-n-balls!!!! I LOVE it!

Alice - They are mesmerizing, aren't they?? I wonder if pigs are easily racked.

When we went to Savannah a couple of weeks ago we took a horse drawn carriage through town. While we were waiting to get started a neighboring horse took a leak and my girls were pie-eyed staring at it. Finally my middle kid (7) said, "Uhhhmmm...I guess that would be a boy horse..." And my oldest (8) said, "Duh! That's not a peeing leg!" Ah...I just love those warm and fuzzy family vacation memories.
1:29 PM
Anonymous said…
LOL. Just... LOL.
9:46 PM
Anonymous said…
The series is actually for teenagers and it's the Georgia Nicholson books by Louise Rennison. The first one is called Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging. They're written diary style, so they are quick reads and very funny (especially since much of it is autobiographocal).

BTW, I've been reading your blog for a couple of months now, and I think you are one of the funniest, most well written blogs out there. I measure every blog against 15 Minute Lunch, and you are great! Thanks for the laughs.
5:30 PM
damon said…
This is why I love the Blog of Bex. For all of my butt, balls, and boobs entertainment and it's all round educational value.

...it's posts like this which have landed you on the 'ol blogroll.
2:49 PM
Anonymous said…
Great blog! I lust read the entire thing.
1:26 AM
Bex said…
Jeffrey - Thanks. I tried really hard on this one. ;)

KC - Thanks for the info on the books. I'll check it out. And thanks a bunch for the compliment! I also rate blogs against 15 Minutes and am honored to have my name in the same sentence as him!!

Thanks, Damon! Balls and butts are among my favorite topics. (My husband is super proud of me.)

Anonymous - Thanks! Funny typo, BTW. Thanks for dropping by!!
1:05 PM
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