The Wild and Wonderful World of Animal Butts
Hello, Boys. How're they hangin'??
Several years ago my dad and I were hiking in California. It was a beautiful afternoon and we were on a mountain trail. We came upon some kind of farm that had a fence around it. Suddenly I saw it - a pig lying down with his "sac" squeezed out behind him. It looked as though someone had stuffed two basketballs under his skin. My first thought was, "Holy crap, pigs can get elephantitis??!" This was quickly followed by thought number two which was, "I would give anything to be sharing this experience with anyone but my father."
So I did what anyone could do in such a situation. I took a picture of the pig balls. I decided that I would put it on the cover of my Christmas cards that year and when the card was opened it would say, "Deck the halls...." I haven't done it yet but I will...yes, I will.
You may be wondering why I brought this up. It has to do with baboons and Darwin. At the risk of dramatically increasing the number of hits I get from people who are "into" animals I have to admit that I found myself wondering today why baboon butts look the way that they do. There must be a biological reason for this red-assed phenomenon.
Does it have to do with mating? Are the redder assed baboons considered hotter to their peers? And do other animals think that it's as hilarious as I do to have such a ridiculous bottom?? (I'll bet the monkey's snicker.) Did Darwin ever see one of these? Bright red, shaped like a heart, and hairless while the rest of the animal looks like a shag rug from the 70's. Seriously. What the hell?!
All I know is if I had an ass like that I would never stand. I'd pretend like I couldn't walk or something. Because you just know that people would ask you for something just so that they could watch you get up and cross the room. Perverts.