I Hate Yellow Foam

Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I have a leather sofa. The bad news is that my dog, Honey, just puked on it. First of all, she isn't even allowed on the furniture (a rule invented to avoid just exactly this kind of catastrophe). Second of all, she puked between the seats instead of on a cushion like a good girl. So of course this means that the day that I clean out under the sofa cushions is, in fact, today (instead of "one of these days").


It was yellow and foamy with speckles in a variety of sizes and colors. I found myself talking to her as I was cleaning,
"Really? Honey? You threw up, huh? Gee...that's too bad. What do you suppose caused this? Could it have been when you ate the fecal matter of another dog in our front yard this morning? Do you remember that I told you specifically NOT to eat that? Or maybe it was the Barbie doll you harfed down last night as my six year old daughter chased you, screaming and crying. OH! I know...it must have been when you chowed down on the contents of the babies diaper yesterday! I'm no expert, but just witnessing that made me feel kind of squishy....

You just don't deserve this, poor baby. Of course, I was worried when I saw that you had found a bottle of Windex and managed to drain that, but that was a few days ago and surely would have impacted you sooner. Hmmm. I just can't imagine why you are puking. I'm just thinking out loud here, but maybe you should consider that you are not a fucking GOAT and should try NOT eating anything and everything light enough for you to drag away. Perhaps, just until you feel better, you should try eating only what is in your dog food bowl BOUGHT SPECIFICALLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF FEEDING YOU. So no more shopping for morsels in the yard or the garbage can, OK?"
There is something, though, that I just don't understand. When I found her she had already honked it all up and was in the process of - yes, you guessed it - eating her own vomit. Why do dogs do this? Why don't they have the general comprehension that if it was so bad your stomach kicked it out in the first place that reconsuming it could only lead to trouble. I don't throw up often but when I do I try to avoid re-eating it. I guess I'm pretty dependable that way. Oops! I'm bragging...sorry about that...

Comments

leigh said…
bex, this has to be the number one reason why there are no pets allowed in my house.

my kids think i'm mean. little do they know i'm doing them a favor. if we had a dog and it barfed, they'd be cleaning it up.
Beck said…
Gross! One word Odorzout (get at Petsmart). If your leater can handle it, peroxide and baking soda. BP to soak up the gunk and
H2O2 to sanitize. Sorry to hear the, uh, good news that the couch is ok just vomitous.

Don't understand why dogs eat other dogs pooh and their own vomit. I don't understand how/why people "kiss" dogs with their mouths. Is it because they can't reach to lick their own human asses. Nasty, girl.
Steph said…
I just love how real your blogs are. I get the feeling you write just like you speak! Happy Vday
Cara said…
I cannot stop laughing at this because I totally relate. My dog, Blue, is pretty good, but his one issue is stealing food off the counter. Last week he ate a brand new bag of "double fiber" english muffins. All twelve of them. Then he looked so perplexed as he was waking me 5 times between the hours of 1 and 4 am. He was like "Why is my tummy so upset, Mom?" I could actually hear his stomach gurgling. Dogs are so freaking GROSS! But of course, we love them anyway. Poor Honey )

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