Skip to main content

From the mouths of babes....

I was in the car today with my three kids, ages 3, 8 and 10. The three year old announced that his "penis hurts...and it's getting bigger!" He wanted me to help it. "No-can-do, Buddy...that's illegal, even in Georgia. Just give it time, leave it alone and it will go down on its own."

About 10 minutes later one of my daughters exclaimed, "Oh NOOO!!!" Naturally interested, I asked what was wrong.

She said, "I lost a fart!" When I asked her what the hell she meant by that, she said that she "...pooted, but it turned into a bubble and went up the front and didn't come back out."

So if any of y'all want to know why I have a cocktail every night at five SHARP, now you know.

Comments

Shaeny said…
Aren't kids great?

I've missed your wacky wit. Where have you been?
10:43 AM
67 Not Out said…
Arrived here via fuelmyblog - thanks for the smile!

Happy days, I remember when my children were small and some of the comments they made.

Keep smiling,
Mike
11:15 AM
Bex said…
Hey, Shaeny! Been workin' for da man, trying to make a buck. You know how it is....

Mike-thanks!! I've stopped checking where my readers drop in from but not many have come from fuelmyblog. Glad to hear it!

The party continued this morning when I asked my little guy why he peed in his bed last night. He answered, "Cuz my penis is being really bad today." What the hell do you say to that?!
2:21 PM
leigh said…
omg! you blogged! awesome.
6:09 PM
kc said…
More kid stories, please! I know you probably have more material than time, but...my fav blogs are getting few & far between.
7:50 PM
Anonymous said…
Bex where have you been, i hope everyting is ok.
3:48 PM
adventure grrl said…
I just saw a sweet comment from you on my blog and I wanted to let you know I am back to blogging on 100 days in Bed. I hope you are great!

PS, your blog looks fabulous!
5:58 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dunkin Donuts Dilemna

I am always amazed when I leave my home in the early hours of the morning and there are people out and about. I can barely see the runners (as the sun isn't yet passed the horizon) but they are hoofing it up the hill. Don't these people know that they should be home - in bed - snuggled up???! So you can imagine my surprise when, at 6AM, I saw the impressive line at my local Dunkin Donuts. But we were heading out of town on a road trip with 3 little kids (all under 8) and a 2 month old puppy. I know what you are thinking...WHY??! We very anxiously wanted to travel for a little bit of more pain - AKA my 20th High School reunion. Maybe more on that later... As if this all weren't bad enough, my husband and I had been to a party the night before and I had just the slightest headache. So I needed coffee and like all reasonable people I went to the Dunkin Donuts because their coffee is THE BEST coffee anywhere! Starbucks can kiss my lilly white! But I digress... So I get in the l...
21 comments
Read more

A Housewife's Dirty Confession...

I have Vaseline underneath my right index finger nail. No amount of soap and water seems to vanquish it. Sshhhhh. Don't tell anyone, K? Because that could lead to awkward questions. But I'll tell you what - today, just for shits and giggles, let's skip the questions completely and just go to the answers. And, GO. Projectile vomiting. One massive pile in the doctor's waiting room. Once in the car. Twice at home. Yes, that IS a lot of puke for a two year old. Anal suppositories. TWICE. No I am not honoring my pledge to lay off of the cosmo's for a while and fuck you for bringing that up after the day I've had. Did this make you smile? Or were you just envious that you didn't get to spend the morning pinning down a pissed off and puking two year old long enough to further enrage him by shoving a suppository up his ass? (thought so) Either way, feel free to click my HB smiley below. And, as always, if you're shopping around for funny blogs this is the pl...
15 comments
Read more

Bad Boy, Charlie. No, NO!

Why does this man continue to marry and breed?? He has a 25 year old daughter from his ex Paula Profit, 2 girls from his ex Denise Richards and now, apparently, another on the way from future-ex Brooke Mueller (btw, she's not, by any chance THE Pasta Princess of Mueller fame, is she???) How does he even talk these women into walking down the aisle?? Don't they have girlfriends?! You know, real friends who will say, "Oh, Brooke, Brooke, Brooke! What the fuck are you doing ? He likes you, there is no doubt about that. But he LOVES coke and hookers. Ask anyone! Even my Great Aunt Suzie knows that ." This is the kind of guy you party with. Go to Vegas with him. Have a nasty three-way with him and a 17 year old model at a coke fueled rave. But marry him? No thanks. And how did she even get pregnant? Normally when you get married you don't have to worry about condoms for protection against STD's. But this rule doesn't apply to someone like Charlie Sheen. Nop...
14 comments
Read more