Jabba can suck it.

On my way to drop my kids off at the local elementary school this morning there was a police officer who was directing traffic. I was behind 5 other cars that he had stopped so that another line of traffic could go. We had been sitting there for about 30 seconds when the truck behind me beeped his horn. I glanced in the rear view mirror thinking, "Hey, Einstein. I'm not stopped here because I love the way the beater Chevy in front of me feeds poisonous gases into my car. Open your fucking eyes and see that we either have to stop or run a cop over while our kids are in the car."

But I kept my acerbic and witty comments to myself as I had wee ones in the car. Because I have self control.

Anyway, as we entered the drop off zone I stopped the car (because that's what I typically do when SMALL CHILDREN need to get out of the fucking car) and my two daughters picked up their bags and hopped out. As my second grader was closing the door she said, "I love you, Mommy." At this very moment the jackass behind me laid on his horn again, causing my sweet little second grader to nearly jump out of her skin.

My self control slid into my penny loafers as I felt a murderous rage boiling up inside me. WHY are some people such complete and utter tools?! I stopped the car and stared my poisonous gas-fueled hairy eye at him. He was fat. He was bald. He was sweaty. You could just tell that he had offensive body odor. It looked as though Jabba the Hut had somehow managed to grow two little patches of hair above his ears and squeeze himself into a large Ford pickup truck.

What a miserable, disgusting man. He probably didn't even mean to beep. It was probably an errant roll on his flab-a-lanche of a stomach that unexpectedly reared up and hit the horn. Fat fucking asshole. I hope that he chokes on the raw rodent that he will undoubtedly scarf down for lunch.


Jormengrund said…
I have another idea about this one Bex...

I mean, a great way to pick up on married ladies is in school zones.

I'll be willing to bet he was "on his game" and just trying to pick up on the hot lonely housewife.. (that would be you!)

Lucky for you, he's got plenty of loving to spare!
kc said…
I hope you got back in the car and gave yourself a manicure before driving away. The turd-burger can just wait!
Anonymous said…
HE belongs in the same sorry category of a-holes who honk the horn before you can get your foot of the f'ing brake to the gas when the light turns green. I have to then straddle both lanes and drive 20MPH when I get in front of these jerks! Can't help it- I'm just a stupid bi*ch!
A great way to pick up on married ladies is in school zones. i would like to say . I love your blog great Post.

Popular posts from this blog

Every woman's dream - a homemade MacGyver vibrator (with the optional mullet attachment)

Florida: The Good. The Bad. The Holy SHIT!!!

The Wild and Wonderful World of Animal Butts