The Evolution of Hair (no, the other kind)

I recently asked a girlfriend if her daughters ever saw her naked and, if so, how did she handle it. Her answer was "Well, I used to all the time, but...I'm kind of, um, creative with my hair...so now I put a hand down there to cover it and skedaddle into a pair of panties ASAFP."

Creative...what does that mean? Is there a New! and Improved! Crotch Coif of which I'm unaware??? I asked her if maybe she shaved her husbands first initial down there or something and we had a nice laugh.

The whole reason I asked her in the first place was because I have another girlfriend who was recently in her garden tub, having a soak when her 8 year old son walked into the bathroom and said he wanted to jump in. He did so in his underwear. Well, her husband came in and got pissed off! I guess he thought it was inappropriate for the boy to see his mother naked. I have no idea about her coiffing tendencies...but maybe she has a similar issue.

Well, all of this talk about bush coiffing has me thinking about its' evolution. College girls today have no idea about the horrors we used to carry around in our Jordache jeans. In fact, just the other day I was in the woman's steam room at the YMCA when I saw a woman who had clearly missed the memo. She looked as if she were in the process of giving birth to an unkempt black poodle.



There was a bulbous POUF of hair that I couldn't turn away from. And trust me - I really wanted to. In fact my first thought was why a woman was walking around with a chimney sweeps broom in front of her hoo hah. She was walking around the bathroom naked as a jay bird, apparently unaware that people buzz that stuff down nowadays.

I remember the first time going beyond the bikini line was suggested to me. I was in college and my roommate was, among other things, a topless dancer. She told me I should trim it and I thought she meant that the bikini line should go further in. It had never occurred to me that I could actually get scissors and go to work.

Fast forward 20 years and now I'm totally with the program. In fact I practice yoga not for the health benefits but so that I can do all of the moves I need to in the shower to shave to my satisfaction. I don't hide it from my kids, though (the eldest is 9). I figure they don't have anything to compare it to. But I wonder if, when they hit maturity, this will make them feel insecure. You know, "Why am I such a hairy beast when my mom is nice and smooth?? What's wrong with ME???!!"

I am growing out the hair on my head and carry a picture in my wallet so I can remind my hairstylist what I'd love to look like. I like to keep the focus on the direction we're going with it. Sometimes I wonder what direction I'm taking with my down under hair style. It's gone from the Wild Wild West, to a tamed fro, to a landing strip. Then you have the sideways Hitler and then, finally, the pencil mustache. Then, I guess, the blip just gets smaller and smaller until it disappears. Kind of like this guy.



If you want to see what I'm talking about, do your own dirty work. Pick up a Playboy pictorial from 1980. Then 85, 90, and so on, all the way to current times, checking out the five year transformation.

I know some people are into the natural hair gone wild thing and, hey - that's cool. Whatever blows your skirt up, right? But it strikes me at this point almost like a fetish. I wonder if the hirsute look will ever be back in vogue? I really hope not.

By the way, I haven't been blogging nearly as much as I used to and my humor-blogs score SUCKS. If you get a chance to go there and give me a smiley, I'd appreciate it. I guess I'm not quite ready to hang up the towel. Yet. Also, I'm going to give a shoutout to my girl Leigh who has also been lying low. What's up, Girlfriend?? Any coiffing tips you'd care to share???

Comments

Kimberly said…
NONE of my efforts in this arena have been successful....I keep my 'monscaping' to a minimum and comfort myself with the knowledge that since I have a body no one wants to see, I can trim the hedge but don't have to 'get the edger out' for my old-lady black bathing suit, etc.

Just take this advice; never apply anything from Sally Hansen in that area, unless the idea of macing your uglies appeals to you.
Liz C said…
Hell, I don't even have the time & energy to shave my legs! I do my bi-annual (OK, maybe quarterly) shearing with the clippers and that's about it.

Women have hair. That's just the way it goes.
Bex said…
Kimberly - in an effort to give up on my razor (without the pain of going to wax) I thought I'd give Nair a try. The first time I did it, it worked ok. Not great, but ok. The next week was a different story. I felt a stinging "down there" and looked only to see that my skin had broken OPEN in several places. Yes, I was bleeding in a weird kind of patchy way. I'd only left it on for about a minute. I can't imagine if I'd let it stay on for the last 4 minutes. It probably would have burned a hole all the way through to my ass.

Liz C - so it's just me?? Maybe I have the fetish. I can't stand to not have my legs shaved, either. Hmmm. I've always planned on having a fetish...so that's good, I guess.
David said…
*Applause*

I personally appreciate the person who is fully into smooth grooming.

That hair down there is just unnecessary.

Cheers and thanks for doing this PSA for the betterment of humanity and womanhood.
Idiosynkrasia said…
i have two daughters ages 11 and 14. both shave their legs, the 14 year old trims up the bikini area. i don't hide from them that i shave my "parts". they've seen it in various stages of growth so they obviously know i'm maintaining it and not hairless there. even if this wasn't the case they'd be more likely to think i'm the freak - not them.
i'm pretty maniacal about it too..and it's totally for my own benefit. my boy couldnt care less. but i think it's really weird and freaky when boys shave their "parts". i don't like it at all. is that weird? double standard? if he wants to manscape it he can...but i might (probably, most likely will) laugh at him.
shyloh said…
I adore you hairy or not hahahahaha
kc said…
I have a great wax girl, but Brazillians cost the Earth. So, (since my husband was raised on those 80s Playboys and doesn't mind), I usually go with the bikini wax except in summer.

Really, though, I understand your preference. It just feels cleaner, doesn't it?

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