The Elusive Badunkadunk

The town I've recently moved to is made up of mostly Hispanic people. It's very strange...I'm in the same country, one state down, yet I feel like I should have my passport with me at all times.

There are a lot of things I love about it, with the great food at the top of the list. Cuban, Dominican Republic, Mexican,'s all wonderful. When I pick my kids up at school it is more likely that the parents and teachers will be speaking in Spanish, which has given me the very cool sensation that I'm on a sort of permanent vacation.

Probably the worst thing about it is I'm surrounded by people with majorly impressive asses. I've never before felt so boring from behind as I do now. I find myself staring at thick women in stores and restaurants, wondering how I, too, could have a badunkadunk*. I've been eating rice and beans like it's going out of style but it isn't working. I blame my stupid Irish ancestors and their stupid flat Irish asses. Thanks a lot, Mick. Red hair, hyper sun sensitivity AND no booty.

But at least I can wear my "Everyone Loves An Irish Girl" t-shirt, knowing that nobody will accuse me of being a poser....

*The posterior of a female humans anatomy when the diameter of her posterior is not to exceed 50 inches but not to be less than 40 inches. Equally important is that the waistline must be no more than 2/3 of the diameter of the badunkadunk.
Synonyms: Bangin' Booty; Onion.
Antonyms: See "Bex, the flat-assed wonder".


Liz C said…
So *that's* what I've got! Although on a 50 yr old it's not nearly as appealing, let me tell you.

Be grateful for that flat Irish ass. It will serve you well in years to come, when mine has slipped to about 6 inches above the backs of my knees.
Jormengrund said…
Don't worry Bex:

In time, those ghetto booties will be dragging, and your flat butt will still be up around where it's supposed to be!
Honjii said…
Unfortunately you don't get the bubble booty from rice and bean but from a sperm and and egg. That being said, having one is a big responsibility, you have to take it to the gym and exercise the hell out of it to keep it where it belongs.
Bex said…
Liz - quit your bragging! My Irish ass is 40 and I haven't yet noticed anybody lining up to take a gander, either. I feel like the carrot and raisin salad at a buffet - somewhat repulsive and largely ignored.

Jormengrund - I can't even think about how this body is going to change over time. Every time I try to mentally put my head on my grandma's body I lose consciousness.

Honjii - Well, I'll admit I've eaten rice and beans but I'm pleading the fifth on the next two! You bring up an excellent point, though - "it" comes with responsibility. It's like a noblesse oblige for one's own derriere. I like that....

I suppose that one could argue that anyone with a striking feature should be aware of the responsibilities that come with it. For example, if you are Angelina Jolie you should KNOW that you are a smoking hot goddess and should not, therefore, unfurl yourself like a starving octopus on other peoples husbands. No matter HOW hot Brad is.

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