Jessie, Jessie, Two-by-four, how will she ever get through the door?

A newspaper headline caught my eye today.

"Nick Lachey Defends His Ex-Wife Jessica Simpson!"

Against what or whom, I couldn't help but wonder. Did that football player she's dating smack her around? Or maybe it's that wacko dad of hers. He always kind of creeped me out....

No, it turns out that people in the press are busting on Jessica for gaining weight. She has had the audacity to go from a size zero to a size two, the ginormous whore. And well-meaning supporters are coming out of the woodwork to give her back-handed compliments.

Her ex-husband Nick must have been really pleased with this zinger:

"I hope she's happy, whatever size she comes in. I wish her nothing but the best."

I have no problem with the beginning or ending of this statement. It's the gooey insides that I take issue with, as in "...whatever size she comes in."

He may as well said (while reviewing the latest paparazzi shot), "Damn, she is a porker, eh?? I always figured that she'd balloon up one of these days. Well, she's a sweet girl, bless her heart."

I cannot imagine someone giving an unflattering picture to one of my exes and then asking him to comment on it. I would be mortified. And then, after a few introspective moments, I would go on a brownie fueled rampage, killing every photographer within my sights.

Comments

Tricia said…

Actually she went from a 2 to an 8 is what I read! *gasp*

A bigger crime are the pants she was wearing last weekend for her concert - total MOM JEANS!

7:44 PM

Jormengrund said…

Who cares?

To be honest, I'm sure that with her money she'll hire some personal trainer to live with her for a couple of months, and be back down to her "skinny ass" jeans in no time.

I mean, it's not like she has to live with reality like us working class folks, now is it?

12:45 PM

Bex said…

Tricia - I saw the pictures (and actually I live 10 miles away from the scene of the crime). I thought she looked skinny, although the pants were, as you pointed out, hideous. That's the real crime here, if you ask me.

Jormengrund - If I were in her shoes I'd just work it off with my hunky boyfriend. But I always was kind of slutty that way.

5:37 PM

Anonymous said…

For the life of me, I just can't figure out why anyone cares about her at all...well other than to make fun of the nonsense that swirls around her like a circus of midgets.

6:18 PM

Pervy McPervert strikes again!

When I was a kid I used to make the occasional prank call. But then I turned 13 and decided that it was a fairly retarded way to spend ones time. I've also received a few "heavy breathing" calls in my day. My mom finally bought us a whistle and said that whenever "he" called that we were to blow the whistle as loud as we could into the phone. That worked although I do wish she had specified that before blowing the whistle I should take the receiver away from my head as my ear made this weird ringing noise for days afterward. But it got rid of the pervert. It's a new day, however, and perverts must be looking for new ways to annoy us. Twice today someone has texted a picture to me. I have no idea who he is or what the hell he wants. But he must think that I don't know that sometimes shirtless men squeeze their arms against their chest to give the appearance that they actually have biceps when, in fact, their arms really look like toothpicks that are broke

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