Skip to main content

Crazy chicks are dangerous, yo.

Just when I was getting ready to have Lorena Bobbitt's name permanently laminated on the "Craziest Wife EVER" trophy, I read the little ditty about an Australian lassie who saw her husband hug another woman.

Did she ginsu his junk off, a la Bobbitt? No...she went a little pyro on us and doused his genitals with alcohol and then SET THEM ON FIRE.



(Get your hot nuts...get your hot nuts here....)

Apparently the fire in his crotch woke him up with a start and he leaped off the bed. This action knocked the bottle of alcohol over which ignited the whole place and he eventually died from his injuries. They've charged her with murder.

I wonder what defense claim her attorney might be considering.

"I thought I saw a tick and was going to burn it off but didn't want to wake him...."

"I was cold and thought he might be, too."

"Well, he loves The Doors, and I was going to surprise him with an interpretive dance to Light My Fire...."


My point is, if your woman is kinda crazy...maybe you should just not sleep.



Comments

Merrie said…
Yeah, I don't imagine she came off as a straight arrow and he didn't see this coming. If a hug leads to hot nuts, what does leaving the toilet seat up do?
2:28 PM
Jormengrund said…
Never, EVER underestimate the power of the person that sleeps next to you...

If you decide to screw with said person, be prepared to take your life, body, and soul into your own hands, and let them play as they see fit.

Stupid shit deserved what he got, both for the woman he chose to marry, and the girl he was willing to hug in front of his wife!

Promise me you won't toast me if I say something "too" racey on your blog?
2:48 PM
Bex said…
Merrie - I can't help but wonder how the night went earlier. Like did she say, "You, know, if you're not careful you might wake up with your dick on fire one of these days." And then he laughed at her, said, "Whatever, bitch." and then rolled over and went back to bed.

Because it really doesn't seem possible that there weren't SOME kind of warning signs. Like she kept flicking her bic, looking at him in a menacing way or something.

Jormengrund - I am so sorry. I just gave my last torch-free guarantee this morning. So...tread carefully.
3:00 PM
Kirsten said…
Ouch! And I thought I was a crazy bitch! : )
3:18 PM
Meg said…
I'm thinking she got fed up with his snoring--that can truly drive a woman crazy.
4:15 PM
Anonymous said…
She sounds like my kinda gal. Poor thing was merely trying out her bananas flambe recipe.

xox
WAM
2:40 PM
Anonymous said…
I'm going to disagree with Meg. I'm thinking it was something more than snoring myself.

My wife just has a .357 luckily, so it will be quick.
5:37 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pervy McPervert strikes again!

When I was a kid I used to make the occasional prank call. But then I turned 13 and decided that it was a fairly retarded way to spend ones time. I've also received a few "heavy breathing" calls in my day. My mom finally bought us a whistle and said that whenever "he" called that we were to blow the whistle as loud as we could into the phone. That worked although I do wish she had specified that before blowing the whistle I should take the receiver away from my head as my ear made this weird ringing noise for days afterward. But it got rid of the pervert. It's a new day, however, and perverts must be looking for new ways to annoy us. Twice today someone has texted a picture to me. I have no idea who he is or what the hell he wants. But he must think that I don't know that sometimes shirtless men squeeze their arms against their chest to give the appearance that they actually have biceps when, in fact, their arms really look like toothpicks that are broke
23 comments
Read more

And The Winner Is...

I have some very exciting news. For the first time ever the Blog of Bex is giving out an award . Yes, I know. I can feel my heart pounding, too. I will call it the Bite My Ass Award (BMAA) and I'm sure it will be coveted. Now you might be wondering just who will be the lucky recipient. Could it be Diesel, the mastermind of Humor-Blogs and Mattress Police , who - for reasons unknown to me - revamped the scoring system and and reset my score to zero? Nope. This action has actually mysteriously seemed to work in my favor. I'm sure it's temporary. ANYWAY, on to the big news. I hereby give my BMAA to this guy: Handsome little fucker, isn't he? His name is James Jackson, IV and his friends call him Jay. I like to call him Fucktard because I believe that your name should say something about the kind of guy you are. And he's a total fucktard. What, you may wonder, did he do to generate such ire from me? Well I'm so glad you asked. He owns two boutiques in suburban At
23 comments
Read more

The Dunkin Donuts Dilemna

I am always amazed when I leave my home in the early hours of the morning and there are people out and about. I can barely see the runners (as the sun isn't yet passed the horizon) but they are hoofing it up the hill. Don't these people know that they should be home - in bed - snuggled up???! So you can imagine my surprise when, at 6AM, I saw the impressive line at my local Dunkin Donuts. But we were heading out of town on a road trip with 3 little kids (all under 8) and a 2 month old puppy. I know what you are thinking...WHY??! We very anxiously wanted to travel for a little bit of more pain - AKA my 20th High School reunion. Maybe more on that later... As if this all weren't bad enough, my husband and I had been to a party the night before and I had just the slightest headache. So I needed coffee and like all reasonable people I went to the Dunkin Donuts because their coffee is THE BEST coffee anywhere! Starbucks can kiss my lilly white! But I digress... So I get in the l
20 comments
Read more