First Day of School Recap

6:15 My alarm went off.

6:16 Told myself that I'd just close my eyes, for only a second, then I'd go wake up the girls (who are 7 and 8).

6:26 Wake up with a start, realize that I almost enabled the whole family to oversleep the first day of school.

6:27 Called self a jackassing moron on way into girls room.

6:28 Attempted to wake girls up with hugs and kisses.

6:31 Resorted to angry threats and kicking the bed.

6:35 Went downstairs, poured cereal into bowl, got two spoons, realized we're out of milk.

6:36 Called self a jackassing moron again as I realized I had to actually cook something.

6:40 Girls casually mention that they failed to do the homework they were given at the schools open house.

6:42 Girls scramble, as they try to fulfill their assignments in 5 minutes or less.

6:45 Eggs are ready, girls began eating. Very S L O W L Y, almost as if they can feel my blood pressure rising and are taunting me.

6:55 Food is gone, girls go to brush their teeth so they don't have kitten breath on the first day.

7:00 No sign of the girls and I happen to know that they just aren't that "in" to their own dental health so I open the bathroom door to find them engaged in a toothpaste fight.

7:01 Girls cower under my hissed voice and pick up toothbrushes.

7:02 Girls leave bathroom announcing their teeth are clean, I call bullshit and send them back in for another go.

7:04 Girls leave bathroom again and may have actually allowed a toothbrush to touch their teeth this time.

7:05 Girls are outside, waiting for the bus with their bags, snack and half-assed homework.

7:07 Bus comes, takes the girls away for 8 hours - Woo hoo! Maybe I'll sit down and have a cup of joe.

7:08 Two year old son wakes up crying. He comes downstairs and says he's "hunry" and wants some cereal. He spends the next hour walking around saying, "Where'd the milk go?? Where'd the milk go? Milks all gone? Milk went bye-bye???"

I'm just glad that he doesn't (yet) know how to say, "What kind of jackassing moron doesn't have milk in the house on the first day of school?!"

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Meg said…
Eggs!! You're good. I do toaster waffles--they work well for dinner, too.
Diesel said…
I never knew "jackassing" was a word. Firefox doesn't seem to know either.
David said…
School starting on August 11th???

Poor poor chilun's.
Bex said…
Meg - Yeah, we were out of those, too. I will sometimes give my kids a bowl of raisin bran for breakfast, wait for them to leave for school and then get some waffles for myself. See? Jackassing moron.

Diesel - Not the first time Firefox had its head up its butt, I'd wager.

David - No lie, brotha. I have several friends who pull their kids out of school for labor day week to go to the beach. I don't do that because I have Standards that place education high on my list of priorities (plus it's expensive and this blogging gig doesn't pay NEARLY as much as you might think).
This is how I predict the first day of school will go down in my house next week, too. The only upside is that when the boys leave, the house is mine!!

Well, at least until I start working days again.

In the meantime...making a note to have milk...
Alice said…
LOL - fun morning. I still have a good 10 days before my fun starts.

(Must go buy milk.)
Deb said…
Your girls will remember mom always being there and that warm fuzzy feeling of the first day of school. Yeah, right! Give 'em a Twinkie and a Coke and quit jackassing around.

Hey, I tried click a smiley for you, but got an evil message saying to go vote for someone else. What, you can't vote per post, only so many per person? I think something's vewy, vewy screwy over at HB.
blewknight said…
FUNNY post, Bex. THIS is why I read you. (ok, I go for the "trash" as well so keep on with both options!
sista #2 said…
Back to school!!!
Lucky dog...we start next Monday!

Bex said…
FADKOG - Next week. Like it should be. What the hell is the matter with these Georgia people??! Although, now that I think about it, it's not so bad. Because my girls, they aren't here. Because they're in SCHOOL. You see what I'm saying, right??

Alice - good luck with that! And the milk. As soon as I finish this comment I have to go buy some because the THREE other adults in the family couldn't figure out that we needed some. Fucktards.

Deb - You know how much I love jackassing!!!

As for clicking on me, thanks for trying. This is Diesels way of trying to get us all to read different blogs so we don't just vote for one person (**cough, cough, 15 minute lunch, COUGH**) and skew the results. (Is THAT how you spell "skew"?? Can't be! But I don't have time to google it cuz I need milk!)

Blewknight - Thanks, friend! Truth be told, I like me both ways, too. I think Ludacris said it best, "...wanna lady in the street and a FREAK in da bed..." Yep. That's me.

Sista #2 - That's cuz up in the city of brotherly love ya'll know how to DO this shit! There must be a reason Georgia is listed 49th in education.
Sensei said…
Bex, be glad it was only milk. My newborn son is 11 days old, and after last night, his first sentence will most likely be, "what kind of dumbass doesn't have baby wipes in the house. At 4 am. When my butt is covered in poo."
Jormengrund said…
I love the school days..

Well, mainly because I am a firm believer in Pop Tarts, Eggo Waffles, Hot Pockets Breakfast Pockets, and anything else that I can make quickly, and not have to clean up much afterwards!

I also do this as a favor to my wife, because I'm really quite horrible about cleaning up after myself, and something that's quick to fix is really quite easy to clean up after as well!

That, and the kids really think they're getting spoiled when they can have chocolate fudge pop tarts before school.. It's like allowing them to suck down a gallon of sugar before sending them off to my parent's house for the night...

God I love those times!

I'm out.

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