Coming Soon to a Jerry Springer Show Near You...

So. About my two year old boy. He loves to wrestle. But he calls it "fight". As in, "Momma! Wanna fight???" He's my first and only boy so I'm not sure but I keep telling myself that this is normal behavior, given species and gender.

The issue is that he cannot pronounce the "_ight" in "fight". And as many kids do, he has substituted a noise that he can pronounce easily.

His favorite words, thus far are: Truck, Duck, Muck, Stuck and Yuck. He has the "uck" phonics down and speaks them with impressive clarity.

So I guess it should come as a surprise to nobody that he has used that sound to replace the ones he cannot pronounce. Yes, gentle readers, this means that he says "fuck" instead of "fight".

And this is why, to all of you giant, judging assholes giving me weird looks in the mall this morning, that I had a two year old chasing me around screaming, "Momma!! Momma!! Wanna FUCK?? Let's FUCK! Please, Momma, can we fuck now???"

The saddest part of this entire story is that, as it was happening I thought to myself, "Jesus this is mortifying. But, it'll make for a good blog entry." And then I smiled a little self-satisfied smile, probably amplifying the impression to others that I am a certifiable freak. (::sigh::)


Deb said…
Start saving $$ for the shrink.
That's just priceless! Screw the, I mean, "fight" the onlookers!
You are a sick duck, Bex. ;)
Bex said…
Deb - It's already in the works. That's how I plan on rating my effectiveness as a parent - by how many decades each kid spends in counseling.

Nanny Goats - I'd love to say "fight" them all, but truthfully it was horrifying. And I kept saying, "OH, you want to FIGHT?? No, Sweetie, we're not going to fight right now...let's wrestle later..." But I don't think I was helping my case any.

Unfinished - Yeah, I know. I'm super proud....
Jonny's Mommy said…
My brother says to me "You have to read this post. It is so funny." And of course, I thought, "That's awful. I'm not reading that." And of course I came over to read it anyhow.

And I laughed and laughed.

And I felt dirty and bad about it.
Jeffrey Ellis said…
Major big-time LOL.
Bex said…
Jonny's Mommy - Dirty AND bad?? Wow! Now I feel bad. (I already felt pretty dirty.)

Jeffrey - :) That's the very first "major big-time" ANYTHING on my blog!!
Sometimes I think that we have children not to carry on the family lineage, but to fuel the fires of our blogs! You've got yourself some fuel there! Hilarious!
maybe it's because I don't have kids, or possibly because I'm warped, but if I had been there at the mall to witness that I would have been lmao! why judge funny like that?? Priceless! :)
David said…
My young nephew (now in his 20's) was very good with the 'uck sounds as a toddler but truck wasn't one of them so his facination with all big trucks and highway-building equipment became "Look - FUCK!" which was always spoken loudly.

Of course this was somewhat offset by his Christmas time fasincation with Mary and Jofus.
Alice said…
It's sad that we're willing to take life's curve balls if it will make interesting blog fodder these days.

Oooo..hold on while Mommy gets the camera for the cat crap on the stairs...
muskrat said…
i would've thought the same thing. it's nice, actually. a traffic jam is a chance to twitter. a shitty situation is a chance to rant. a slip of the tongue is a chance to exploit. blogging rocks!
sista #2 said…
LOL I love when they do that shit!

Its Friday...have a beer


Diesel said…
That's hilarious.
weesle909 said…
The Blog of Bex's son.

Like Duck, but with an 'F'...
HappyHourSue said…
Such is the life of a blogger. "Wait! Don't clean up the vomit - let me get my camera."
Beck said…
Ugh, I thought i had it bad. With those sex-ass lips on your blog AND your kid asking to "you-know-what" you're a total perv. "Freak" you could do.

Glad to hear my kids aren't the only ones to put me on America's Most Wanted with their out of context declarations.

He is soooooo adorable. OMG - truly a gorgeous kid. Wow- and I have cute kids
Bex said…
Weesel - I snorted coffee out of my nose when I read your comment. Like "Duck" with an "F"... now THAT'S funny!

Thanks to all for taking time to write a comment!
Jormengrund said…
You do know that kids _are_ the spice of life..

Interrupting you and your loved one in the middle of mad monkey love..

Asking you why you're calling it "dad's game" to your mom when she should know that you call it "the fucking machine" at home..

Telling total strangers how good you look in your underwear..

Mispronouncing things in highly public places (much like your story Bex!)..

Taking a statment out of context, and using it in a nice, loud voice in a restaraunt.. (my daughter does this quite frequently!)

And in all of this, we smile, nod, and then run to our computers in order to write it down, get someone else to laugh at our expense, and save it for a good chuckle when they're older..

Life is good!

I'm out.

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