Put your hands up in the air...wave em round like you just don't care...

Many years ago, when Thing One was around two years old, we had a very scary incident. I had put her down for a nap and was trying to get some stuff done around the house. The hallway where our bedrooms are has a few creaky spots and the loudest spot is right outside of the kids bedroom. Through the years I've learned where they are and can, when necessary, avoid them by carefully stepping around them.

I needed to go to the other side of the house so I limbered up and began my Twister-esque maneuver to prevent squeaking the spot. I was getting ready to tip toe by her closed door and was VERY focused on not waking her up. As I was creeping by something caught my eye on the floor, so I looked down. There was an arm laying there. And we're not talking about a Barbie part, either. It was just like a real arm that should have been attached to a real body. I stopped in my tracks, startled by it. Suddenly - the fingers jumped and began wiggling! I screamed and somehow threw myself backwards - in slow motion a la The Matrix - into the wall where I slowly slid down.

Then I became aware of someone else screaming...the hand withdrew itself back into my daughters room and I could hear the scream, although continuous, had become muffled.

I Kojacked her door open and ran into the room. My daughter was in the bed, face down and in the fetal position, screaming at the top of her lungs.

From her perspective here is how I think things "went down" that morning:
My mom put me to bed and I'm not even tired! She's such a silly old woman! Well, rather than talk, cry or otherwise make noises that the baby monitor will pickup and bring her in here in a fit of rage I think I'll play silently. Fa la la. Hmmm. I'm bored...I wonder if I could silently shove my entire arm under the door. Yeah...that's a great idea! Maybe I can reach a cool toy and pull it back into my room so I can continue my stealthy playing! It's a plan. Wow! My entire arm fit under the door SO easily! Now, I will begin wiggling my fingers rapidly to see if they find any toys .... wiggle, wiggle ... AAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
And my friends wonder why I always have bags under my eyes.

"Say bye-bye...!"


Was this funniest blog ever??? NO?! I didn't think so, either. For a funnier blog checkout humor-blogs.

Comments

Alice said…
I had a moment like that. My sister was hiding in my bed under the covers without me realizing it. I sat down on the end and when things started moving against me I freaked out. It's like all ghosty things have suddenly come true and they're rubbing up against you.
Bex said…
Alice - It was truly terrifying. And my poor kid - she hyperventilated for about 10 hours.

As for your situation...something ghostly rubbing up on me sounds interesting...until I find out it's my sister. That's when the horror show starts.

Did you get the HB thing figured out??? I'm still not sure if I'm doing it right....
sinisterdan said…
My oldest daughter never did permit us (I'm including Mrs. Sinister, obviously) she did spare us any mystery.

Our daughter would scream "OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT" for about 45 minutes every single night for about 4 months.

Eventually she would throw up, we'd clean her off and she'd be out like a light.

This is not a method that I reccomend.
Bex said…
Dan - Dude. That would freak me out. Did she ever tell you to whom she was instructing? Her belly button? Her less-than-favorite stuffed animal? Her horned intruder???

And then, after all of that you got to clean up puke. Man, Dan. Oh my. that rhymes so nicely. Must. Resist. Urge. To. Write. Bad. Poem.

(All better....)

One time I went in to kiss my 3 year old girl goodnight (she'd been in bed for about 3 hours). I was sneaking in through the darkness and waited for my eyes to adjust so I could see where her face was to avoid the ever embarrassing accidentally kissing your kid on the ass move. When I finally saw the outline of her face I looked more closely. Her eyes were completely open and staring right at me. I was still trying to decide if my eyes were deceiving me when she whispered, "Hi, Mommy..." in this quiet, kind of creepy way.

It took me 4 hours to finally relax enough where I could go to sleep. But at least I didn't have to clean up a steaming pile of anything.
Jonny's Mommy said…
Oh my gosh. When I read this at first I thought you meant the dog had bit her arm off. Realizing I was tired from the toddler not sleeping well last night and me staying up too late on the blogs, I read it again.

Glad to hear your dog is not a child eating mongrel.
Jinksy said…
Awesome story.

For a moment I thought it was just a dream. Guess not.

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