My Super Duper Widget Poem

I'm not a girl from Nantuckett.
Regardless, today I'll say 'Fuck It'.

'Cuz I can't figure how
To load my widget now

I'm pretty sure I'm an idget.



I have never written a poem before in my life but was inspired because I cannot for the life of me figure out how the hell to add my "widgets" that will help people vote for me to increase my ranking on Humor-Blogs.

Here is what I want to add to my website:



Isn't it cute?? It is called a widget and is supposed to show up on the bottom of a post to let folks know how many smileys (votes) I've been given. Then, if the reader is so inspired, he or she can click on it to easily cast their vote for or against me.

I've seen other blogs with this and decided I should do it, too. So I went to my handy dandy FAQ page of the HB site and found these directions:



Step one is read the directions. Step two is comprehend the directions. Ahhhh...fucked on step number two. I spent one hour today trying to figure this shit out. AN HOUR. I've cut and pasted goddamn widget code on every nook and cranny of my stupid blog and - NOTHING has changed. Now I've started feeling like that little laughing head that I coveted and loved so dearly is actually laughing its ass off. At me.

Not to be outdone, I next went to Blogger.com for help and guidance. Like it's not enough that they gave me a free spot to park this literary masterpiece I call The Blog of Bex and spew my "thoughts" each day. Let's see what they had to say:


"Now with that out of the way..." WHAT?! What is out of the way? Closing a tag? WTF are you people talking about?!

Compounding my frustration is the fact that I've been trying to figure out the Blog Catalog website so that I can mix and mingle with my funny, blogerific friends but I don't know what the fuck is going on there, either.

I keep getting emails inviting me to be friends with a cool blogger and I think, "Yes! I'd love to be your friend!! But...I...do I click something?? Subscribe somewhere? Wave my magic fucking wand???!" You guys are super busy, rating each other and joining fancy-shmancy neighborhoods. I'm still looking for the front door. So if you see a little pink nose, pressed up against the Blog Catalog window, don't worry. It's just Bex....

PLUS everybody else has some cute little logo that personifies who they are. Everybody but me, apparently. How do you get one of those? Or, more importantly, how do I get one of those? Since I haven't loaded one they put a silhouette of the Unibomber up next to my name. Thanks, guys.



I think I look super awesome. For a unibomber stamp. Stupid blog. Stupid widgets. (Stupid Bex.) And that's the thing! I'm not stupid! I am, contrary to compounding evidence, quite computer savvy. I wish that I could buy one of you Blog Brains a margarita for you to just hook it up for me. But no, it'll just be little old me trying to upload a picture that doesn't give to much away (like my address or, God forbid, my weight).

And let's not forget the widget. If I had my magic wand I'd put it RIGHT HERE.

Comments

Bee said…
I've walked a couple of people via screen prints, let me know if you'd like my help and I'll send you the prints when I get home.

Drop me an e.
Oh I feel your pain! I have wrestled, kicked and screamed at blogger trying to get stuff to show up in every post. i've given up more than once so I'm probably not the greatest help there. But I can help ya out some with Blog Catalog! give me holla if you'd like and we can even do a walk thru with the aid of IM or twitter. hang in there! :)
Bex said…
Bee - Yes, please! I just sent you a comment on your latest post (WTF is up with your assistant?!) so you could email me. Muchos gracias!

Sandy - Twitter?? Will we need a condom for that???

But yeah, I'll probably need some help and will definitely let you know. As soon as I google "what is twitter and how can I do it? (and who brings the condom)"
Alice said…
Hahahhahaaa...

I laugh. But agree. It's too f***ing overwhelming.

At the Census Bureau I rewrote all sorts of papers to look like this - "Alice's E-Z Instructions for..." I dumbed it down for myself and everyone and my fab instructions are now xeroxed for the masses.
Alice said…
And while I'm pissing and moaning - I still can't understand how your (and every other Blogspot blog) post appears on the Humor-Blogs charts with lightening speed and mine seems to take half a day. ARRRGHGHHHHH!!!

Later babe.
VE said…
Like the Matrix you've got to free your mind. Let it all go... all this humor-blog ranking and lists and ads and awards. The material you write will speak for itself...
damon said…
Hey, Bex. If and when you figure all ALL that ninja stuff, what say we go halfsies on some kind of neato humor blogs banner. I think we are the only ones who can't figure THAT out either!!!!
Jinksy said…
Am I one of the few culprits here who chose WordPress over Blogger?

I feel dirty now.
Leeuna said…
Hey Bex. Thanks for making me feel less isolated here. I thought I was the only one who couldn't get things to work on my blog. I have been busting my rear trying to get my rss feed fixed. I've read everything on the web that begins with "If your rss feed isn't..." And I still can't get it fixed.
Wish I could help you, but well...you know...

Keep on making us laugh. All that other stuff is just for decoration anyway. ;)
leigh said…
i would love to help you out with some graphics!!!! we can make you a kick ASS banner! because you do kick ass.

email me.
Bex said…
Alice - OK. Here is my secret. I immediately vote for myself. And then I frantically check the HB homepage every 2.5 minutes to see if I'm on the front page or not. But I wish that every post would start out there to give us each a fair shot. But I guess with so many of us it's tough.

But sometimes I see the crappiest posts on top with a huge rating and I'm like, "REALLY?? 33 people said that THIS made them laugh out loud? I smell a rat..."

Besides, what are you bitching about?? You're already famous at the Census Bureau! Save something for the rest of us!!

VE - Yeah, but that may not be a good thing.

Damon - You too, huh? Halfsies it is...

Jinksy - Come on, surely you felt dirty before that!

Leeuna - That goddamn RSS feed! I struggled with THAT last month. If it helps you any, my feed shenanigans started when I had switched to Feedburner. When I took feedburner out of the equation and just had an old fashioned RSS feed everything began working again.

Leigh - That'd be great! I'd love to have one like yours except I'm a chicken shit about posting my picture online. With my luck some jackass with more eyes than teeth would take a fancy to me and start showing up at PTA meetings and shit.

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