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Click, Click, Clickety CLICK!



This morning I was driving my girls to camp and was looking for a song that doesn't suck on the radio, which is apparently not as easy as it sounds. I hit the "scan" button on my radio and waited for something good. It sounded a little something like this:

CLICK

Oh, we are so wild and wacky!! Tune in tomorrow where we will create a very dramatic situation by having a contest to win a Vespa. All you have to do to win is be the 5000th caller and then sit in a VW bug with 10 stinky strangers for weeks at a time until you're the last one left! It's just that easy folks!

As for today, hold onto your hats because it is CRANK CALL Thursday, ya'll! Wheeeeeeee!!! Hey, Turd Boy, THIS time you have to call a restaurant and ask them if their refrigerator is running. Oh my heavens, Silly Sara, you are such a riot!! We are the Worlds Favorite Morning Show and we are SO funny, it's not EVEN funny!

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA......!!!

CLICK

Welcome to the Super, Duper Sports Channel where 24 hours in a day just isn't enough to keep up with all of our favorite sports minutia! Up next: a fascinating analysis of the Physics of Baseball! You don't want to miss this, folks. I know you've all been wondering how much force is exerted when a ball is thrown by a pitcher verses one of the basemen.... Don't change that dial....!

CLICK

Yee HAW!!! How're ya'll doin'??? Ain't it a BEAUT of a day?? This is Bubba Joe talkin' atcha and today we are featuring BOTH types of music - Country AND Western!! Up next is everyone's favorite, 'My Dog died and My Wife Is Poking Someone Else While I'm At Work'... It just don't get no better than that, folks....

CLICK

Yo, yo, YO!!! Waz UP in the ATL???! We gots the SHIZZLE in da hizzouse ya'll! It's Baby Mama Drama Day, YO! Iz yo baby mama frontin'?? Shout at a brotha...!

CLICK
Welcome to NPR, the perfect place to take a nap. Today we will feature a very subdued dialogue about how lipids are spliced and whether or not herbal tea is worth the premium price or if we should all switch to organicTetley. (::yawn::)

CLICK

That's so mainstream. And we don't DO mainstream because we are SO alternative. We are all snarky and wear black turtlenecks. Let's talk about the celebrities, but not because we're mainstream and read People Magazine but because we are SNARKY and ALTERNATIVE. We are all Vegan and have VERY independent yet somehow identical political views....

Big CLICK to enable the CD function in my car.


I wish that I could click on Humor-Blogs while in my car. But then I might laugh or otherwise enjoy myself. Which is apparently NOT what morning radio is all about. Unless you are 11 years old. Or have suffered some sort of brain injury (no insult intended to 11 year olds. The insult is intended for the talk radio morons. I just thought I would spell that out in case one of them reads this.).
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Comments

Anonymous said…
As and ex-retail store owner myself, theft is a MAJOR problem to the little guys. You work on a small margin to try to turn a profit and theft can put you under (it did me, both customer theft and employee theft as well as robbery). The camera in the dressing room probably nailed a shoplifter, who then got pissed for being caught and turned him in. Unfortunately, it's illegal - your rights as the store owner are pretty limited on how to handle shoplifting. Give this poor guy a break - I know where he is coming from.
10:16 AM
Bex said…
Anonymous -

Ooops. You posted your comment to the wrong post. But as for Jay, they found several tapes in his store of "up the skirt" video of young women who were trying on clothes in his dressing room. So unless he was looking for stolen tampons I'm afraid he was just a pervert, looking for a peek.

I have wondered how shop owners handle theft. It must be extremely frustrating. But I don't think video cameras built into the floor boards are the answer.
10:27 AM
Anonymous said…
Bex--

I did the same exact thing this morning on my way to work...

Mine sounded like this:

*HIGH PITCHED VOICE* YES PEOPLE THATS RIGHT..COME RIGHT NOW TO THE MATRESS WAREHOUSE...55 DOLLARS QUEEN MATRESS SET...IT DOESNT GET ANYLOWER THAN THAT! CALL US NOW AT

252-FIFTY FIVE HUNDRED.. THATS!!
252 *HIGHER VOICE* FIFTY FIVE HUNDRED!!!

I just want some good Tunes.

without the commercials. I should invest in xm.
11:14 AM
Alice said…
Radio? What that? How operate?

I'm not actually sure if my radio works in my car anymore for the encrusted dust.
12:18 PM
Anonymous said…
I live in rural, eastern Canada where I can hear the CBC discussing Inuit art, or the nationally syndicated talk-station ramble on alarmingly about how my toaster wants to kill me.

The only click comes from my cigarette lighter.

Good post.
1:38 PM
Anonymous said…
funny stuff. you must live in houston.
3:10 PM
Shieldmaiden96 said…
Welcome to my day, almost all day, every day, in the company van. Which is why I sometimes turn off the radio and sing show tunes at the top of my lungs. Today, Clark Summit, PA was treated to

FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED MINUTES,
FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND
MOMENTS TO PLAN......
3:54 PM
I_blame _society said…
Rednecks.... you can't live with them... would be much better of without them. Anyway I have the same issue with radio station hosts. After a few minutes of listening to them i fell the need to bash their thick skulls with an antenna... but that's just me. Anyway I started a blog myself and I want to know if my articles are genuinely funny. I appreciate any feedback. Thanks.

http://pointlesstopics.blogspot.com/
4:51 PM
Anonymous said…
This post is a hoot and I was all ready to rate it on humor-blogs with an LOL smiley face...and then I read the utterly disoriented comment about the former retail person and his/her cameras in the dressing rooms and I'm like = whoa...!!!??? This is so hot! Can I give a double LOL vote over there?
11:03 PM
United Studies said…
Radio is the reason why I love my iPod!! I often wonder how radio stations stay in busines....the DJ's get more and more annoying, and they play the same 5 songs.
8:02 AM
Bex said…
Anonymous, where did you go?? I've been waiting to hear your take on my response. FINE! Be that way....

Sarah - OOOoohhh...I just ADORE cheap mattresses. Nothing says "Let's get it on" like a mattress that smells like gym socks and has mystery stains already on it.

Alice - I am a compulsive channel changer. It's my biggest fault. I only need to hear two beats of the music to know if it's gonna be a keeper or not. But I loathe talk radio. So what do you do, listen to CDs or your kids or something?

Dan - Lethal toasters haven't made it down south of the border yet. But I imagine, just like the killer bees who are supposed to be here any minute your toasters will be crossing the border...

Leigh - thank you! I think it's a universal concern. I remember being in Europe, listening to their AM radio people. Of course that sounded even stupider because I couldn't understand anything but the canned laughter.

Shieldmaiden - Show Tunes, eh? You go, girl.

I blame society - Thanks for stopping by! I checked out your blog and I the only thing I could think of was that you need to get rid of the black background. I know it looks cool and all but anyone over the age of 25 has trouble reading it.

Daniel - Actually, I assume that anyone who has shown up at the Blog of Bex is somewhat disoriented. But thanks for the vote(s). I need them!!!

Jacki - I have an iPod but am too lazy/busy to get it hooked up. Bah.
3:03 PM
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