And The Winner Is...

I have some very exciting news. For the first time ever the Blog of Bex is giving out an award. Yes, I know. I can feel my heart pounding, too.

I will call it the Bite My Ass Award (BMAA) and I'm sure it will be coveted.

Now you might be wondering just who will be the lucky recipient. Could it be Diesel, the mastermind of Humor-Blogs and Mattress Police, who - for reasons unknown to me - revamped the scoring system and and reset my score to zero? Nope. This action has actually mysteriously seemed to work in my favor. I'm sure it's temporary.

ANYWAY, on to the big news.

I hereby give my BMAA to this guy:

Handsome little fucker, isn't he? His name is James Jackson, IV and his friends call him Jay. I like to call him Fucktard because I believe that your name should say something about the kind of guy you are.

And he's a total fucktard.

What, you may wonder, did he do to generate such ire from me? Well I'm so glad you asked. He owns two boutiques in suburban Atlanta (Hip Chic and the Funkey Monkey). Two places where I've shopped for clothes. Places where I've brought my pre-teen aged daughters. A place where I sent my pregnant sister-in-law to shop for bathing suit's.

Mr. Fucktard apparently has been videotaping people in his dressing rooms. Now, I'm not too worried about me as the lighting in there is dim and therefore more flattering to a woman of a certain age who has had three c-sections. So unless he's posted pictures of me on I think I'll survive. But my fucking kids?? I will rip his balls off if I see as much as their silhouettes in his "establishment".

His stores catered to young women and I would say that the people who normally shop there are teenagers between the ages of 13 and 19. I think we can all see where this is heading.

More happy news: I apparently own the only Mac in the universe that doesn't have some kind of Photoshop built in so I can't create the Bite My Ass Award of my dreams. No worries. I'll just use this until I find something more appropriate:

Let's just hope that along with the honor of getting the prestigious Bite My Ass/Certified Ass Clown Award he is also blessed with the opportunity to bite his pillow in prison while some ginormous guy called Lucifer pounds him in the ass.

If you get the chance check out the newly revamped Humor-Blogs site. And vote for me by clicking on the smiley on the left with a giant open mouth. I think it's laughing.


Michelle said…
You rock. I love you, Bex. :-)
Michelle said…
p.s. Your link to Humor Blogs isn't working.
Michelle said…
p.s. Your link to Humor Blogs isn't working.
Anonymous said…
Michelle, you can say that again.
Anonymous said…
and to think he always gave me a hard time for never trying on clothes.... i hate trying on clothes in stores i always do it at home and bring them back but he couldnt get past that idea.... now i know why...creepass
Bee said…
What a fucken perverted asshat! I hope he gets raped with a 12 inch pipe in jail!

Speaking of asshats, there's an anonymous *Caleb* over at H-B giving away sad faces to pull down people's blogs.

So far only I've been hit but this should prove interesting! ;o)
Bex said…
Michelle - Thanks!

As for my link, I know. I'd like to think that Humor-Blogs is having some issues but I've probably done something stupid to my blog feed and fucked it up. That's what happens when you try to adjust things you have limited (read: zero) understanding of.

Anon - You're cracking me up. And yes, he's a total freak.

Bee - YEAH! He'd probably like it, though. I haven't seen this Caleb but I'll keep my eyes peeled. He's probably just jealous of your meteoric rise at H-B.
damon said…
You got me all excited thinkin I could possibly win an award from your prestigious site. Damn.

What a prick. Truly deserving of whatever the inmates do to him.

Pray for me Bex, I'm gonna try the smiley click thing for ya. If you don't hear back from me by Thursday, tell Diesel 'thanks'.
The Bastard deserves anything he gets. It would be fun to put him in a room full of mothers although hopefully he'll get his just in prison.
leigh said…
i'll make you an award thingy!! i'm good with photoshop!
Jacki said…
Oh that is just awful. I say let all the women who have frequented his shops at him...
Bex said…
Damon - Thanks brotha, but my RSS feed is screwed up and the HB folks can't "see" my work of literary genius. Big Sigh. Thanks for the gesture...

Pleasing - I have a feeling that he'll get what's coming.

Leigh - REALLY??? That would be awesome. And can you fix my feed while you're at it?? I can't figure out what the hell is going on. I'm supposed to be studying for the GMAT and I've spent 4 hours dorking around with it.

Jacki - he is gross, isn't he? And his face is all splotchy and his eyes are red. So either he's been doing drugs or crying like the big disgusting baby that he is.
Alice said…
Let me into that dressing room! One look at my belly flab and abdominal scars should take care of things.

ps. I'm not to fond of the new rating system. It scares me. I'm going to try and click for you now.
I think you are going too easy on the bastard.

Love the blog ... even it licks my ass in H-B. Cheers!
I meant to type "kicks my ass." I blame Fucktard.
Bex said…
HOLY CRAP! I FIXED IT!Or Diesel did something...either way you slice it my beautiful story about courage in the face of a fucktard can finally be read on the humor-blogs site!

Booyah! Oh! And will you look at the clock - COCKTAIL HOUR! This day just keeps getting better and better....
Jeffrey Ellis said…
I just love the word Fucktard. I use it all the time. And it definitely applies here.
Bex said…
Alice - I'm surprised that I didn't blind him with my...."beauty" when I was in there. But then I would have heard him screaming, "MY EYES!!! MY EYES...." and I would have been able to put a stop to this whole fiasco.

Always Home and Uncool (I'm right there with you, baby) - You are cracking me up. And yes, Fucktard is obviously the one who is causing trouble...he's the embodiment of an ass clown fucktard. I hope that the first thing that happens to him this morning is he stumbles out of bed and stumps his toe really hard on something.

Jeffrey - Waz up, Brotha? I totally agree. The word 'fuck' in general is one of my favorites. It's so versatile yet expressive. Very rarely have I thrown an "f" bomb on something and people were left to wonder what I REALLY meant.

And for those of you wondering, it's pronounced fuckTARD. I think that's important information. What if you saw this jackass today? You would need to KNOW that. Fucktard is one of those words that if you aren't exactly sure how to say it, then you aren't ready to use it. Lecture over.
Meg said…
You may be onto something with this award. I've got some guys I'd like to nominate.
Jinksy said…
Maybe the award should include the winner receiving a branding iron stuck up the arse...sideways.

Is there a place to suggest nominations?
They really need to castrate guys like this, and then tie them up and spoon feed them Drano (the gritty kind) until they die. Your blog is awesome. Keep up the good work.
Anonymous said…
As and ex-retail store owner myself, theft is a MAJOR problem to the little guys. You work on a small margin to try to turn a profit and theft can put you under (it did me, both customer theft and employee theft as well as robbery). The camera in the dressing room probably nailed a shoplifter, who then got pissed for being caught and turned him in. Unfortunately, it's illegal - your rights as the store owner are pretty limited on how to handle shoplifting. Give this poor guy a break - I know where he is coming from.
sista #2 said…
No shit...he is a total fucktard. Very deserving of said award.


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