I have some very exciting news. For the first time ever the Blog of Bex is giving out an award. Yes, I know. I can feel my heart pounding, too.
I will call it the Bite My Ass Award (BMAA) and I'm sure it will be coveted.
Now you might be wondering just who will be the lucky recipient. Could it be Diesel, the mastermind of Humor-Blogs and Mattress Police, who - for reasons unknown to me - revamped the scoring system and and reset my score to zero? Nope. This action has actually mysteriously seemed to work in my favor. I'm sure it's temporary.
ANYWAY, on to the big news.
I hereby give my BMAA to this guy:
Handsome little fucker, isn't he? His name is James Jackson, IV and his friends call him Jay. I like to call him Fucktard because I believe that your name should say something about the kind of guy you are.
And he's a total fucktard.
What, you may wonder, did he do to generate such ire from me? Well I'm so glad you asked. He owns two boutiques in suburban Atlanta (Hip Chic and the Funkey Monkey). Two places where I've shopped for clothes. Places where I've brought my pre-teen aged daughters. A place where I sent my pregnant sister-in-law to shop for bathing suit's.
Mr. Fucktard apparently has been videotaping people in his dressing rooms. Now, I'm not too worried about me as the lighting in there is dim and therefore more flattering to a woman of a certain age who has had three c-sections. So unless he's posted pictures of me on CheckOutThisBeast.com I think I'll survive. But my fucking kids?? I will rip his balls off if I see as much as their silhouettes in his "establishment".
His stores catered to young women and I would say that the people who normally shop there are teenagers between the ages of 13 and 19. I think we can all see where this is heading.
More happy news: I apparently own the only Mac in the universe that doesn't have some kind of Photoshop built in so I can't create the Bite My Ass Award of my dreams. No worries. I'll just use this until I find something more appropriate:
Let's just hope that along with the honor of getting the prestigious Bite My Ass/Certified Ass Clown Award he is also blessed with the opportunity to bite his pillow in prison while some ginormous guy called Lucifer pounds him in the ass.
If you get the chance check out the newly revamped Humor-Blogs site. And vote for me by clicking on the smiley on the left with a giant open mouth. I think it's laughing.
I will call it the Bite My Ass Award (BMAA) and I'm sure it will be coveted.
Now you might be wondering just who will be the lucky recipient. Could it be Diesel, the mastermind of Humor-Blogs and Mattress Police, who - for reasons unknown to me - revamped the scoring system and and reset my score to zero? Nope. This action has actually mysteriously seemed to work in my favor. I'm sure it's temporary.
ANYWAY, on to the big news.
I hereby give my BMAA to this guy:
And he's a total fucktard.
What, you may wonder, did he do to generate such ire from me? Well I'm so glad you asked. He owns two boutiques in suburban Atlanta (Hip Chic and the Funkey Monkey). Two places where I've shopped for clothes. Places where I've brought my pre-teen aged daughters. A place where I sent my pregnant sister-in-law to shop for bathing suit's.
Mr. Fucktard apparently has been videotaping people in his dressing rooms. Now, I'm not too worried about me as the lighting in there is dim and therefore more flattering to a woman of a certain age who has had three c-sections. So unless he's posted pictures of me on CheckOutThisBeast.com I think I'll survive. But my fucking kids?? I will rip his balls off if I see as much as their silhouettes in his "establishment".
His stores catered to young women and I would say that the people who normally shop there are teenagers between the ages of 13 and 19. I think we can all see where this is heading.
More happy news: I apparently own the only Mac in the universe that doesn't have some kind of Photoshop built in so I can't create the Bite My Ass Award of my dreams. No worries. I'll just use this until I find something more appropriate:
Let's just hope that along with the honor of getting the prestigious Bite My Ass/Certified Ass Clown Award he is also blessed with the opportunity to bite his pillow in prison while some ginormous guy called Lucifer pounds him in the ass.
If you get the chance check out the newly revamped Humor-Blogs site. And vote for me by clicking on the smiley on the left with a giant open mouth. I think it's laughing.
Comments
Speaking of asshats, there's an anonymous *Caleb* over at H-B giving away sad faces to pull down people's blogs.
So far only I've been hit but this should prove interesting! ;o)
As for my link, I know. I'd like to think that Humor-Blogs is having some issues but I've probably done something stupid to my blog feed and fucked it up. That's what happens when you try to adjust things you have limited (read: zero) understanding of.
Anon - You're cracking me up. And yes, he's a total freak.
Bee - YEAH! He'd probably like it, though. I haven't seen this Caleb but I'll keep my eyes peeled. He's probably just jealous of your meteoric rise at H-B.
What a prick. Truly deserving of whatever the inmates do to him.
Pray for me Bex, I'm gonna try the smiley click thing for ya. If you don't hear back from me by Thursday, tell Diesel 'thanks'.
Pleasing - I have a feeling that he'll get what's coming.
Leigh - REALLY??? That would be awesome. And can you fix my feed while you're at it?? I can't figure out what the hell is going on. I'm supposed to be studying for the GMAT and I've spent 4 hours dorking around with it.
Jacki - he is gross, isn't he? And his face is all splotchy and his eyes are red. So either he's been doing drugs or crying like the big disgusting baby that he is.
ps. I'm not to fond of the new rating system. It scares me. I'm going to try and click for you now.
Love the blog ... even it licks my ass in H-B. Cheers!
Booyah! Oh! And will you look at the clock - COCKTAIL HOUR! This day just keeps getting better and better....
Always Home and Uncool (I'm right there with you, baby) - You are cracking me up. And yes, Fucktard is obviously the one who is causing trouble...he's the embodiment of an ass clown fucktard. I hope that the first thing that happens to him this morning is he stumbles out of bed and stumps his toe really hard on something.
Jeffrey - Waz up, Brotha? I totally agree. The word 'fuck' in general is one of my favorites. It's so versatile yet expressive. Very rarely have I thrown an "f" bomb on something and people were left to wonder what I REALLY meant.
And for those of you wondering, it's pronounced fuckTARD. I think that's important information. What if you saw this jackass today? You would need to KNOW that. Fucktard is one of those words that if you aren't exactly sure how to say it, then you aren't ready to use it. Lecture over.
Is there a place to suggest nominations?
Peace
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