Loosen Up My Buttons, Baby

Whenever I buy a new article of clothing it invariably comes with an envelope labeled "EXTRA BUTTONS". I've recently realized that I'm not even sure if that's what is really in there as I've never - EVER - opened any of the packages. I just assume that the contents are matching buttons and one day a button might fall off of my clothes and I'll want one that matches to replace it.

So I put - with extreme diligence - the envelopes in a drawer in my bedroom. I can no longer completely open this drawer. Whenever we move I carefully box them up and then find a good, prominent spot to put my matching buttons in the new house.

The irony is that I have several articles of clothing in my closet RIGHT NOW that are missing buttons. And I'll bet that I have one to replace it somewhere. But looking through 300 envelopes to find one to replace a missing button on a twenty dollar shirt isn't high on my priority list.

I wonder at what point I will give up my button collection habit.

Throwing them away seems such a wasteful folly. And keeping them is a pain in the ass and a waste of time and space.

It really cracks me up when they attach extra yarn. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?! Is there anyone who actually keeps the string and then re-knits something they bought in a store?? I'm not even sure when it would be appropriate to use it.

If the clothing companies really wanted to be helpful they would sew buttons on with more than three laps of their cheap thread. If they put the buttons on more carefully then they wouldn't have to send extras and I would have an entire drawer in my house to fill with something really important. Like safety pins from the dry cleaner. Or lipsticks I've been given from Clinique and Lancome that I never use but can't seem to throw away because maybe next year is the year when I'll want to have something called Paradise Pink painted on my mouth.

Feed to humor-blogs.com.


Trooper Thorn said…
It's really just a way for the people in the apparel and textile industry to insult us. They know we don't sew or repair things anymore, which is why we are at Walmart and Target once a month to buy new stuff. If we did sew, we would have plenty of plain black or brown buttons (the only kind they supply anyway). Notice they don't give you a needle? If I didn't have any crappy buttons, what are the chances I have needle and thread? Am I supposed to attach it with saliva?

The little plastic package just says "Here's a little button for you to remind you of all the things you know you should be doing but we know you will just watch Idol instead."

Passive-aggressive bastards.
Alice said…
I too am from the it's-just-easier-to-buy-a-new-one school of thought. I only crack out the sewing machine for Halloween and then I also have to find the instructions to thread the stupid thing.
Beck said…
Drag out all those little envelopes. Sit your little one down and let him have the joy of opening all of those little envelopes. Then have him put them all in a jar - 15 minutes of fun for him and he's actually cleaning! It worked here! :-) such excitement!
Shieldmaiden96 said…
I have a shirt that came with a little baggie of extra sequins and beads. As if the woman who once stapled her drppoing skirt hem and camouflaged the silver staple with a Sharpie would do remedial embellishment. I think not.
Shieldmaiden96 said…
Uh, that should be 'drooping'. Not whatever the heck I just typed.
Sully Sullivan said…
Can buttons be recycled or would you have to throw them into the real garbage? If they can be recycled, just get rid of them.
bacioni said…
I like the idea of having your little one open all the envelopes and put them in a pretty jar. I had a major case of buttonitis when I was little (constantly playing with them, or doling them out to my Mom so she could attach them (with a real needle and thread!) so that the garment could be (gasp!) reworn instead of thrown away.

Also, you can get a wide-mouthed clear vase (3 or 4 inches high), fill it halfway with assorted buttons, and then use it as a pen/pencil holder. I saw that at a store and thought it was an interesting look.
Saffyrre said…
That's hilarious! I've thought the very same thing. If they would just sew the darn things on properly, we wouldn't need the extra buttons! I also can't ever get myself to throw them away and have all these packages of buttons.

It never fails that when I buy pants from Cotton Ginny, the button always falls off. ALWAYS! I even tried to return a pair because I had only worn them a couple of times and instead of giving me new pants, the clerk whipped out a sewing kit and sewed on a new button!

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