The Truth About Balls
I happen to be a big fan of vasectomy's. In fact the only issue I see with them is that not enough people get them. Even worse is the problem that the guys who do get them are the ones who have good, strong qualities that are worthy of being passed down to future generations. The other guys - you know the ones I mean - propagate their species like there is no tomorrow and produce legions of lazy, abusive and, far worse, unattractive children.
My point is, men who step up to the plate and get a vasectomy are heroic. Really. And I've become a little bit fixated on the matter ever since one of my friends told me about his experience. He said that he was led into a FREEZING examination room. (That just seems mean, doesn't it?) He was a little bit nervous and sat there twiddling his thumbs. Eventually a very large female nurse came in and invited him to remove his pants and underwear. He was instructed to sit on a METAL table in the cold room - pantsless. Here is where the weird thing happened...she - without appropriate warning, mind you - grabbed the end of his penis and PULLED it (like I said, it was a very cold room). She then duct taped it to his leg, leaving him to think WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! She never explained the purpose. In fact, she never even said, "So. How's it going?" or "Listen, man, brace yourself as I'm getting ready to try to find your penis which will have retracted itself into your stomach as it's cold as hell in here. Then? I'll yank it really hard and tape it to your leg. And, go."
She must have sensed his need for retrospection as she left him alone in the room - for 30 minutes - naked in a cold room with his dick taped to his leg. While he was sitting there he was trying to imagine why this action might have been necessary. The procedure is done on the balls. Was his package so enormous that they were worried it would be in the way? Maybe the guy before him got an erection and they now tape that shit down to prevent something similar from happening and embarrassing everyone? I really want to know. And this is why, every time I meet someone who has had a vasectomy I ask my question, "So...did anyone grab your junk and duct tape it to your leg??"
I have yet to have anyone else say yes. SO. Where does that leave us? Should my friend sue? Leave a tip for above and beyond service?
Please either turn your head and cough OR click on the humor-blogs link here. I'd guess that, after a week of being on vacation my ranking is somewhere below the Save the Dust Mites Blog.