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She's a Maniac, Maniac on the Dance Floor!


There is something about me that you probably don't know. I don't really talk about it much because I don't want to be perceived as a braggart. But today that's gonna change. Because I don't have anything else worth talking about.

I, my friends, am the Ellis Island of Aerobics. Yes...thank you very much...it is true. Cloaked somewhere in my pheromones is a scent that apparently screams,
"Give me your uncoordinated, your unbalanced, your spastic movers. Hey, YOU! Yeah, you...the one with the big hump on her shoulders! Get on over here, girlfriend! And while I'm at it, I'll also take the stealth farters and the people with no concept of personal space (which very sadly seems to go hand-in-hand with bad personal hygiene habits)."
I don't have any empirical evidence to support this claim other than the fact that every time I go to aerobics I find an empty spot as far away as possible from others. As soon as the music starts people lunge in my general direction, anxious to crowd around me. And in addition to the aforementioned groupies for some strange reason I also seem to attract those who do not speak any English (the language the class is taught in).

So this is why the rest of the class is perfectly synchronized and I look like I'm in the middle of a Saturday Night Live skit. It makes getting a good work out difficult because all I can focus on is not getting my toes stepped on and breathing through my mouth (so as not to smell anybody). The irony is that they all probably blog about ME saying, "Yeah, there is a girl in my class who danced a spastic jig, frantically pulling up her feet all the time. What a dork! PLUS she's a MOUTH breather! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!"

OK...you've had your stay. Head on back to Humor-Blogs!

Comments

Anonymous said…
I can appreciate the trouble you must have.

I am a tremendous dancer, and people just tend to stare in disbelief as I shake my head around like I'm have an epileptic seizure and grind suggestively against my wife.

People tend to have a hard time with people like us, who possess such pure talent or just don't care what others think.
10:18 AM
Bex said…
Waz up, jinksy? I am not a tremendous dancer. I could even probably be called an underachiever in this capacity as I just do the minimum to get through the aerobics class. And I have to carefully watch the instructor as if I don't I quickly forget what the hell is going on and commence into my own spastic routine. Anything to burn a few extra calories, I guess.

It becomes increasingly difficult (for a novice such as myself) to perform the required moves when I have the masses clustered around me as though in orbit. I need ROOM to MOVE!

I envy you with your raw talent! I'm sure your wife is a lucky woman...
10:33 AM
Memarie Lane said…
Awhile back another blogger wrote about how someone that's dancing like a crazy person on a gym class should just chill out and go home. My response was that I personally would admire that person for her lack of inhibition, because I'm too inhibited to even take a class like that in the first place.
11:14 AM
Bee said…
"the one with the big hump on her shoulders! Get on over here, girlfriend!"
For a minute there I thought you were talking to me but then you said the personal hygiene thing and that cleared things up. I have a hump but I do bathe! ;o)
10:05 PM
Brent Diggs said…
I'm thinking it must be pheromones.
7:09 AM
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