She's a Maniac, Maniac on the Dance Floor!
There is something about me that you probably don't know. I don't really talk about it much because I don't want to be perceived as a braggart. But today that's gonna change. Because I don't have anything else worth talking about.
I, my friends, am the Ellis Island of Aerobics. Yes...thank you very much...it is true. Cloaked somewhere in my pheromones is a scent that apparently screams,
"Give me your uncoordinated, your unbalanced, your spastic movers. Hey, YOU! Yeah, you...the one with the big hump on her shoulders! Get on over here, girlfriend! And while I'm at it, I'll also take the stealth farters and the people with no concept of personal space (which very sadly seems to go hand-in-hand with bad personal hygiene habits)."I don't have any empirical evidence to support this claim other than the fact that every time I go to aerobics I find an empty spot as far away as possible from others. As soon as the music starts people lunge in my general direction, anxious to crowd around me. And in addition to the aforementioned groupies for some strange reason I also seem to attract those who do not speak any English (the language the class is taught in).
So this is why the rest of the class is perfectly synchronized and I look like I'm in the middle of a Saturday Night Live skit. It makes getting a good work out difficult because all I can focus on is not getting my toes stepped on and breathing through my mouth (so as not to smell anybody). The irony is that they all probably blog about ME saying, "Yeah, there is a girl in my class who danced a spastic jig, frantically pulling up her feet all the time. What a dork! PLUS she's a MOUTH breather! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!"
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