Skip to main content

Not my favorite Italian...

You know who bugs the hell out of me? Giada De Laurentiis. She's a "Celebrity Chef" on www.foodnetwork.com. She speaks perfect English with an American accent. But she's of Italian descent. Fine. Who gives a shit. But there are three things that really bug me about her. And without further ado...

  1. Every shirt she wears is tight and low cut. OK. We get it. You have tits. Congratulations...
  2. Her head seems abnormally large.
  3. Although she speaks English in a normal manner, whenever she says a word of Italian origin she clenches her teeth and throws a heavy Italian accent on it. OK. We get it. You're Italian. Big fucking deal.
Am I jealous? Maybe. Resentful? You betcha. But the word, in English, is PASTA. It shouldn't sound like "bhpahssstah". I'm just saying....



She does have a nice rack though, I have to admit. I wonder how that little neck supports the big head with all of those teeth. She must get her strength from all of the bhpahssstah she's eating.

feed: humor-blogs.com

PS Before you go and get your knickers in a twist, you should know that I am part Italian. So don't hate on me!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Love, love her show and books, but I have to agree with you about her head. She's a walking candy apple.
9:34 PM
Anonymous said…
i know. i actually COVET her rack. it defies gravity. i'm sure she hasn't popped out any rugrats yet.

also her teeth...you failed to mention her big, giant, white, chicklets for teeth.
9:35 PM
Bex said…
Natalie,

Hahahaha! Walking candy apple...hilarious! Where the hell were you when I was trying to get this post pulled together?!

I don't have any of her books but I do, from time-to-time, watch her show. But I am ALWAYS distracted by the aforementioned issues.

Leigh,

Of course we ALL covet her rack. It's...rack-tabulous. And you're right, she DOES have chicklet teeth. (Again, you've made me laugh out loud - SCORE!) But I'll stare at her teeth until the cows come home if I didn't have to hear her screw up the word "mozzarella" again. She's gonna make my ears bleed....
9:58 PM
Anonymous said…
When she says "gnocci" or "zuccotto" I throw up a little bit in my mouth.
3:17 AM
Shieldmaiden96 said…
Huh.
I eat all that stuff, and I don't look like that.
Bitch.

;)
8:20 AM
Anonymous said…
The thing that drives me nuts is the way her smile is a rectangle - and seems so insincere.

in addition to the enforced precision of her Italian words - she claims to have been born in Italy, and I think she never wears a top that is not uber-revealing of her ample cleavage.
10:29 AM
Cara said…
You know what is so funny? when she was first on, she was all shy and wore turtlenecks all the time. I think the producers realized that she was a hottie and started making her show more skin. And apparently more teeth, too. What is with that weird smile? I almost hurl when she says Parmesano reggiano.
10:30 PM
elasticwaistbandlady said…
My mom is a big fan of hers and told me that Giada announced that she's pregnant not that long ago. She's been married 20-something years and never thought her and her husband could have kids and then........SURPRISE!

We don't have cable, so I don't really care, but this is the weird thing, I do have satellite radio and she has her own Italian Cooking radio program. Listening to someone moan and oooohhhh, aaaahhhhhh over invisible food is much more annoying than watching it.
4:39 AM
Bex said…
Natalie,

I find that if I take Maalox 30 minutes prior to watching her show it helps with the throwing up in the mouth a little. But yeah, me too.

Daniel,

I totally agree. And while we're tearing her apart, it also bugs me that when she peels an onion or garlic it sounds like the microphone is pressed up against the vegetable. I don't need to hear the onion skin being torn off to enhance my cooking show experience. I fucking KNOW what it sounds like!

Cara,

Hi! Well, I'm all about cleavage. BUT when cooking or eating it can be a hazard. Or maybe I'm a slob and it's just me? I'm thinking about calling my Italian aunts and asking if she's even saying those words right. It's just so obnoxious.

EWBL,

She DOES oh and ah a lot! There is even the occasional moan. I can't imagine listening to her on the radio. The next thing you know she'll start whispering in her best come-hither voice, "Ay, Papi!"
11:15 AM
Memarie Lane said…
I hate it when people do that too, speak perfect American, then totally overdo an accent on a foreign words. There's this one news anchor here that talks just fine all through the news, then signs off by saying "this is AAAAHnuh Pehrrrrrrrez." Same thing in the Spy Kids movies, when the kids have to say their full names to get into something and Carmen becomes CAHrrrrrrrrrrmen." Shet ep.
2:07 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pervy McPervert strikes again!

When I was a kid I used to make the occasional prank call. But then I turned 13 and decided that it was a fairly retarded way to spend ones time. I've also received a few "heavy breathing" calls in my day. My mom finally bought us a whistle and said that whenever "he" called that we were to blow the whistle as loud as we could into the phone. That worked although I do wish she had specified that before blowing the whistle I should take the receiver away from my head as my ear made this weird ringing noise for days afterward. But it got rid of the pervert. It's a new day, however, and perverts must be looking for new ways to annoy us. Twice today someone has texted a picture to me. I have no idea who he is or what the hell he wants. But he must think that I don't know that sometimes shirtless men squeeze their arms against their chest to give the appearance that they actually have biceps when, in fact, their arms really look like toothpicks that are broke
23 comments
Read more

And The Winner Is...

I have some very exciting news. For the first time ever the Blog of Bex is giving out an award . Yes, I know. I can feel my heart pounding, too. I will call it the Bite My Ass Award (BMAA) and I'm sure it will be coveted. Now you might be wondering just who will be the lucky recipient. Could it be Diesel, the mastermind of Humor-Blogs and Mattress Police , who - for reasons unknown to me - revamped the scoring system and and reset my score to zero? Nope. This action has actually mysteriously seemed to work in my favor. I'm sure it's temporary. ANYWAY, on to the big news. I hereby give my BMAA to this guy: Handsome little fucker, isn't he? His name is James Jackson, IV and his friends call him Jay. I like to call him Fucktard because I believe that your name should say something about the kind of guy you are. And he's a total fucktard. What, you may wonder, did he do to generate such ire from me? Well I'm so glad you asked. He owns two boutiques in suburban At
23 comments
Read more

The Dunkin Donuts Dilemna

I am always amazed when I leave my home in the early hours of the morning and there are people out and about. I can barely see the runners (as the sun isn't yet passed the horizon) but they are hoofing it up the hill. Don't these people know that they should be home - in bed - snuggled up???! So you can imagine my surprise when, at 6AM, I saw the impressive line at my local Dunkin Donuts. But we were heading out of town on a road trip with 3 little kids (all under 8) and a 2 month old puppy. I know what you are thinking...WHY??! We very anxiously wanted to travel for a little bit of more pain - AKA my 20th High School reunion. Maybe more on that later... As if this all weren't bad enough, my husband and I had been to a party the night before and I had just the slightest headache. So I needed coffee and like all reasonable people I went to the Dunkin Donuts because their coffee is THE BEST coffee anywhere! Starbucks can kiss my lilly white! But I digress... So I get in the l
20 comments
Read more