Kraut Katastophe

Well wouldn't you know it. The fucking "air-tight" (HA! My ass!!) plastic container slipped out of my hands spilling juicy sauerkraut all over the carpeted floor. In desperation I got the dog and encouraged her mightily to consume it. This is why, when my kids followed the strange sounds coming from the laundry room, they found me standing over their dog hissing in my Darth Vader voice, "EAT the fucking kraut! EAT the fucking kraut!"

Suddenly she's, like, all particular about what she'll eat. THAT'S rich, considering this is the same animal who has consumed puke that didn't originate with her (I don't know why that seems MORE disgusting to me than eating her own yak but it does) eggs that were 3 days old with ants on them, her own fecal matter, poopie diapers from Mr. Nasty, etc.

She had a couple of bites and suddenly her ears retracted to the back of her head. She slowly looked up at me like she was really seeing me for the very first time and then ran away to play with my children. Thanks for NOTHING.

So. Honey was not intimidated by me. There are strings of kraut dangling all over the floor, the bottom of the fridge as well as the door to go to the garage. And it does indeed smell like something really bad happened in there. Of course, the smell will probably pale in comparison to Honey's farts when she processes what little bit of the kraut she actually ate.

Yep. Everybody's a winner today, folks.

If I were you I'd go to Humor-Blogs and read something funny. Hopefully it won't be something quite so odiferous. (That's right. I used a big word. Four syllables, folks.)


Alice said…
Sorry about your krautastrophe (as I secretly snicker about the dog.) Is there any chance that you're from Baltimore? My in-laws don't even have gravy at freakin' Thanksgiving because they put sauerkraut on the turkey. Blech!
Steph said…
we had kraut this weekend so glad I didn't see this post before I made it. Grab some air freshener sounds like you will need it. :)
kcar said…
So how much is the pet therapy gonna cost you? Haven't seen the Dog Whisperer handle this one yet. Hope everyone is on the mend and feeling better.

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