I slammed on the brakes and she had to turn her wheel to go around my front bumper as I'm in the middle of the intersection. She's on her cell phone (OF COURSE) and she's staring at me like I'm the fucking idiot who almost caused the accident. She stops, too, in front of my car to stare at me, and then, shaking her head continues on.
So now I'm pissed off. She can't give me that look! She's the one...! I now have an impulse to follow her car. It's a strong impulse. But what am I gonna do? Beat her up? I have a two year old in the back seat. What I really wanted to do is make her walk with me to the intersection and review the FACTS of the incident:
Me: Hey there. We almost had an accident, eh?
Her: Well, you...
Me: (cutting her off) No, no, no. That was a RHETORICAL question. So listen. Do you see that LARGE red octagon?? Um-hmm...it's red, see it there? Out here, in civilized society, we call that a 'STOP sign'. Yeah. And when you SEE one of those you are supposed to...STOP. Contrary to your apparent belief it is not a 'Plow Through At Ramming Speed And Kill a Beautiful Young Mother and Her Adorable Yet Precocious Two Year Old Sign'.
Me: (again, not allowing her to speak) But hey. You fucked up. I get it. Nobody is perfect. What I would really like to talk to you about is the LOOK that you gave ME after you almost crushed the front end of my car. You may be unaware of this, HOWEVER, when you fuck up and almost hit someone else's car you are not ALLOWED to look at them like THEY are the idiot. No! You are supposed to shrug your shoulders, put a surprised look on your face and put your hand up in a stationary wave that says, "YIKES! I almost hit you there!! So...sorry about that!"
Me: OK. I can see that I've confused you. I'm not surprised. Let's go through this again. I'll try to speak more slowly for you: You. Failed. To. Stop. At. The. Fucking. Stop. Sign! Do. It. Again. And. I'll. Kick. You. Until. You're. DEAD. Got it?? Super. Have a nice day now.
And then I'd walk away muttering about what a giant ass hat she is but feeling good, knowing that I've made this planet a better place then when I found it because I schooled this chick on the proper etiquette of almost causing an accident.