The Imperfect Life of the Politicians Wife

There must be some sort of finishing school for politicians wives. They are like Stepford Wives on crack or something. In Adulation 101 they'd learn how to stare at their husbands with awe and interest when listening to his thirtieth speech of the day. They don't HAVE to stifle the yawn because they aren't bored. No! They are completely enchanted listening to him opine endlessly about his political crap.

The school would also have a course in "Looking the Part" where the wives would learn in-depth reasons for wearing multiple strands of pearls while in a gray skirted suit. Naturally they will also discuss the importance of having hair shellacked with spray so that it looks like a helmet.

One of the more important classes would be called, Smiling and Nodding: A Politicians Wifes Best Friend. The ultimate test of the programs' success is if the husband invites her to a press conference where she - holding his hand and looking on with sad yet understanding eyes listens to him tell the world how he fucked the maid, the whore, the intern, and/or the male Brazilian masseuse. They then walk off of the stage, again - holding hands.

Just once I'd love for one of these women to snap out of her trance and say, "You did WHAT???! You mothah FUCKAH...!" Then she could proceed to publicly kick his ass in front of the CNN camera. He'll be (the sniveling wuss that he is) sucking his thumb in the fetal position as she repeatedly kicks him screaming obscene references to his miniscule manhood.

These women must have some sort of secret support group to try to regain their self respect. They meet once a month in a damp basement and sit in a circle. Of course they wouldn't use their real names...

Woman # 1 "Hi. My name is Sue and my husband used to get hummers from his intern."

All, "Hi, Sue!"

Woman #2, "Pfft. You think THAT'S bad?! Hi, my name is Amy. My husband announced on internationally watched television that he had been pumping his male assistant for 4 years. And is if THAT wasn't bad enough the guy was hairier than a fucking gorilla."

All, "Hi, Amy!"

And so on. So, here is the latest "Stand By Your Man While He Admits to Putting the Stones To Someone Else" couple. I wish that I knew her so that I could invite her over for some Margarita's and politician bashing. She's pretty...kind of looks like Jennifer Anniston in a few years. What is she doing with him anyway???

And what the hell is with this guys face?! It looks like his throat is trying - somehow - to swallow his lips from the inside. He should just fly away with his big Dumbo ears and leave that poor woman alone.

Humor-Blogs. Not just for hookers anymore.


Daniel said…
Oh yeah. you hit it.

What on earth did he do to persuade her to march up there to the podium with him?

and he sure does have some big assed ears.
Beck said…
Bex - why bother indicating "women #1, etc".... just call her #9!

At any rate, here in Chicago the media abhors Spitzer but they are also stating that "#9" is the women who brought down NY State government. Pfft... I'm sure she had no such agenda. She's a hooker. Spitzer did it all himself. There must be some misogynist slob having our female news anchors report that drivel. OK, I think I need to post my own blog entry. Sorry

Your funny
leigh said…
eliot shitzer is trying so hard to look sorry. he's only sorry that he got caught.
Brad said…
As a former NYC denizen, this still doesn't embarrass me as much as Hillary claiming to be "a true New Yorker..." complete with Yankees cap and hot dog.

She makes me ill.

Your site, however, is excellent. Thanks for the nice words...perhaps a little link exchange?...

...okay, we can wait for the second date.
Diesel said…
That's gotta suck for her. Too bad he's not president, or people would still love him and his wife would get to be a senator.
pantaloonfan said…
What I really wanted to see was Spitzer (who I voted for, had some respect for, and met at a post-inauguration handshaker of an event, and am now really disappointed by), get up, and instead of contrition with no positive result, just say:

"Screw all of you. I quit. I still have $500 million, and you don't."

He's the heir to one of the significantly larger real estate family fortunes in New York, and his wife might put up with the whores and ears (in whichever order of priority) because they're both farting through silk, so to speak.

Popular posts from this blog

Every woman's dream - a homemade MacGyver vibrator (with the optional mullet attachment)

Florida: The Good. The Bad. The Holy SHIT!!!

The Wild and Wonderful World of Animal Butts