Who wants some milk?

The other day I had an amazing piece of cheese. It was so yummy and it got me to thinking about where it came from. What do I know about it? Well, it was produced using cows milk. This started me thinking about all of the things I consume that use cows milk: cream, cheese, yogurt, etc... Pretty much every meal in this house has cows milk representin'.

Who do you suppose was the first guy to milk a cow for a purpose other than feeding a calf? Well, I've been thinking about that, too. Here is how I imagine that conversation went down:

Cow Milk Visionary (CMV): "Wife, I've been thinking. You know that nursing cow we have? Why don't we go out there and see if we can express some of her milk into a bucket. Then we'll drink it! It'll be, like, totally awesome!"

Wife: "You are one sick fuck."

CMV: "Come on...we'll start this amazing thing - trust me! Everyone will be nursing on their cows once they see how great it is! And then they'll put bacteria in the milk and make artisanal cheeses that people will pay upwards of $50 a pound for. "

Wife: "Listen to me, you asshole. I am not going to drink the mothers milk of our fucking cow. Nor will I have a pull on our nursing dog, cats or horse. Deal with it."

Then she skulks away mumbling something about her mother being right about him and that she should have married the banker.

CMV stares longingly at the calf nursing away at her mother. He's so misunderstood.

The Blog of Bex

I'm gonna feed this cheese to Humor Blogs and see what happens. Tee hee hee.


Steph said…
Wow! BTW I think you puppy is so cute!
David said…
>>>>>It was produced, of course, using cows milk.

With some discomfort, I must note that the "of course" is misplaced.

It could be from sheeps milk, goat milk, water-buffalo milk, and some others I would just as soon not consider.

otherwise - you have hit upon a topic close to my heart. That being "what were they thinking when they discovered THAT?"

Amusing post - thanks
Bee said…
Yikes! In good fun, I hope David never heads over to my blogus cuz I write like I talk no punctuation on going sentences LOUD soft just all over the place! ;o)

I had never thought about milk in that way but now I agree it had to be a man to think of it first!

Did you post a story on a Mommy Site? If it was you, it was hilarious!

Thanks for coming over!
Bex said…
Steph, Thanks!! Her stock has gone up considerably since she quit shitting inside the house.

David! Way to bust my balls!!! My husband said the same thing when he read it. Typical! When I wrote that I meant the "of course" to mean that as the topic du jour was cows and their milk that I was, of course, talking about cows milk cheese. But then I edited it and apparently took out the needed disclaimer that we'll be discussing cows milk exclusively. So! I guess I'll need to re-edit it.

Bee - Hi! I was just over at your blog having a bit of a read...funny stuff! What mommy site are you talking about? I've posted a few things here and there, trying to figure out how this blogosphere thing works. As for milking a cow it MUST have been a man. Twisted souls (except for you, David...of course.). ;)

Thanks for cruising by, ya'll!
Kadi said…
Cuss words and dairy products...I LOVE it! Pass the cheese...and the wine (lots of it.) I saw that Victoria's Secret catalog too...better yet, I'll take a cosmo as well!
Marie said…
It is funny that you put it like that. My husband always says, cow's milk is for baby cows, not for people. It does seem weird that we drink it.
David said…
I must clarify that remark about the "of course". I wasn't commenting on or critiquing your syntax, I was trying to suggest it was superfluous and, well, just plain wrong - what with all those other milks for cheese making.

Bee I visit your blog often and enjoy. I too tend to be a streamofconsciousness person.

As I enjoy both blogs, I invariably give you both a vote by clicking on your humorblogs link...that does give a vote for the rankings, right?
Bex said…
David - you are always welcome here!! And I appreciate the feedback. Truly. I hate it when I have had a post up for some time and then I finally notice a typo/error or whatever. So please feel free to let me know whenever you see something wrong or that could be better. I stated that you were "busting my balls" because you were, in essence, taking my husbands side as he had just told me the same thing (something you couldn't possibly have known). But bust away, my friend.

The funny thing (to me, anyway) is that I've already fixed it in the post so anyone who comes by and reads these comments will be like "WTF are they talking about?!" So now we have a little secret. :)

Bee IS funny! And you're right...by clicking on the humor-blogs link you vote for us. So thanks!

Kadi, thanks for coming by!! The cosmos were great...

Marie, the more I think about it the more grossed out I am. It's kind of like hot dogs in that I love to eat them but really don't want to know ANYTHING about their origins. My dad always told me that it's the lips and tits...
Bee said…
David, you are my favorite person in the whole wide world now! :o)
Thanks for the clicks!

Bex, just as an FYI, I am now adding you to my list of funny clix or "clix chix" as we shall be know hence forth!
Bex said…
Bee, I'm honored! Thanks...I've had many good belly laughs at your blog as well. Thanks again!
Cara said…
Ok, this totally made me think. Why did they leave the dogs and cats alone, but pick on the cows and even the occasional goat or sheep? I wonder if they did like a Pepsi Challenge type of thing with all the animals and then settled on cow as the number one. Very thought-provoking.
Bex said…
Cara, EXACTLY! Or - gag - human beings for that matter. When you are a baby you can drink the milk of a human (presumably your mom). Then you get older and are given the milk intended for a baby calf. And it's against the moral code of pretty much every society I'm familiar with to take up the tit again.


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