Waxing Poetic...

I love getting pedicures. There is a little place near my home where I go. One day, about a year ago, I was in there getting my toes a little TLC. Suddenly, and out of nowhere I might add, a Vietnamese lady screamed across the crowded room, "DO YOU WANT YOU LIP WAX, TOO???" It was with shock and horror that I realized she was addressing ME.

My hand instinctively covered my mouth and I mumbled, "what?" She repeated her question and I felt all eyes upon me as I contemplated her offer of ripping hot wax off of my upper lip. I shook my head in what I hoped was the universal sign of, "NO! I do not require this service because I don't have a hairy fucking lip!"

I suffered through the rest of my pedicure but I'll tell you, I couldn't wait to get home. Finally I was done and went home to do what any other red blooded woman would do: I kicked my husband in the balls. He said something like, "What the hell was THAT for?" So I told him, "THAT was for not telling me that I have a lip so HAIRY that a woman offered to WAX it for me today!!!"
I was angry because here I was, in my mid thirties, and didn't know that my lip appeared hairy to others. He's assured me that I do not, in fact, have a hairy lip and that these women are just trying to up sell me their services. But now EVERY damn time I go in there they ask me. In fact, one of them even said, "Well...OK, but you know, you have a lot of hair there...."

So now I poll everybody. Should I or shouldn't I? I have yet to have anyone say yes, but I can't be too careful.

I've become a real delight at cocktail parties, "Oh, yes, I've read that book, too. Wonderful. Just w
onderful. Oh...and speaking of wonderful, do you think I should start waxing my lip? It's just these Vietnamese ladies are INSISTENT that I need to and, well, I just didn't KNOW that and my husband thinks I'm fine but you know how THAT is...but if YOU think I should then I would consider it..."

On the drive home my husband stares at me out of the corner of his eye. He's either thinking about what a lunatic I am or, more likely, he's imagining me twirling my handle bar moustache.

After writing the above I got into the Handlebar Moustache Mood (HMM) so I did a little thing on Google and came up with the above picture. It was (obviously) taken from the Handlebar Moustache Club in the UK. It is entitled "Stag Night" although it appears (to my untrained eyes) that it is just a Tranny dancing with a dude with a GIGANTIC handlebar moustache. Or maybe the British call enormous strippers Stags. At any rate what do you suppose our friend is grabbing for? Maybe it was Testicular Cancer Awareness month and he was demonstrating the self check? Or maybe they were playing pin the belly button on the tranny dancer (not to be confused with Tiny Dancer). Perhaps I'll submit this to my peeps at humor blogs and ask them to decide. It's important that we find out the TRUTH. It's out there somewhere...


PS My husband read this at work (in between important projects, I'm sure) and called me up, concerned that I had left the impression that I do indeed need to wax my lip. So this is my disclaimer: I do not need to wax my lip. I have repeatedly confirmed this truth with my girlfriends and relatives (to their delight, I'm sure). Besides, if I really needed to wax my lip my mother would have tackled me long ago and done it herself. She's not the kind of woman who would allow her daughter to walk around all hairy like that.

Put another way, this is not what I look like:

In fact I don't even know her. But if she were here, in the South, people would say, "bless her heart" whenever her name came up. It's not exactly a compliment.


Diesel said…
I made out with a girl who had a fuzzy upper lip once. Very disconcerting.

I would go with a Hitler mustache.
Bex said…
Several times I've come in here and started a response to your comment. But...I don't know what to say. Congratulations? Condolences? I'm sure she had a GREAT personality??

That would totally freak me out. At the risk of sharing too much, I hate body hair. If I don't shave my legs every day I get very crabby. Ok. I think I crossed a line. Sorry about that. I'm leaving now...I'm going...here I go....

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