SHOUT it out!

Well, today has been, thus far, quite enlightening. I swear, I only took my eyes off of the boy for 2 minutes. Suddenly I realized that it was deafeningly quiet in the house. Which, of course, means that the little shit was Up To Something. I walk into the laundry room to find him with my beloved bottle of Shout. The bottle had been full and was now pretty much empty. He had sprayed it all over the fridge in there. It was also oozing out of his mouth and onto his shirt (which I'm guessing is going to be SPARKLING clean the next time I wash it).

So I assumed the 'Oh Shit!' position (which is, in case you don't have a 2 year old boy, mouth and eyes perfectly open, hand grasping for phone to call 9-1-1). 911 put me through to Poison Control who asked me to read the label to him. I did and he put me on hold to figure out what I needed to do with my idiot, detergent eating son (and in the mean time I demonstrated my multi-tasking skills by changing a poopie diaper that smelled like Old Death).

I'm already thinking a few steps ahead of this guy...we'll probably be sent somewhere to have him looked at. I hope they don't need to pump his stomach. I'll need to get someone else to get the girls from school. I guess this means that I now need to interrupt my husband at work.... The guy gets back on the line and says, "Well! I looked it up and it turns out that Shout is really pretty much just water. It has a TINY bit of detergent that, at the worst, might irritate his skin a bit if you don't rinse it off. So, he's gonna be fine. Don't worry about it! Have a good day and feel free to call us again if anyone else eats something stupid."

Naturally I'm relieved. I put Thing 3 down for his nap and sat down to let you know about my day. But now that I'm thinking about it I'm starting to get pissed off because apparently I have - FOR YEARS - been diligently pre-treating our many laundry stains with WATER.

I'm suddenly very thirsty. For vodka. Maybe I'll throw a little Shout floater on top to see what happens (my prediction: nothing).

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Steph said…
I am sorry to laugh but I have been there, not with Shout mind you but I have been there, my 2 year old downed a bottle of Rx ear drops and there I was on the phone with poison control convinced they were going to send someone to take my kids away! I love the fact that you are not afraid to throw a little color into your blogs I have a feeling that if we lived near each other we would be good friends because you write like I think!
Bex said…
Yummy... Rx ear drops... Sometimes, after the shock wears off I just want to say, "WHY???" You know? I've eaten neither Shout nor ear drops but I'd bet they both taste bad. And not just kind of bad. I'd be willing to wager that after you had just a drop on your tongue you'd know you didn't want any more. Kind of like liver. Ugh. Yet, they continue to eat it all. It's another motherhood mystery.

Well, thank you for the compliment! Maybe we should start a Mommy blog sisterhood. Because we are truly in this together, you know?? Have a great night!!

Shieldmaiden96 said…
I'm a surveyor for a moving company so I'm going into people's houses all the time...a couple of weeks ago a lady showed me to her basement, opening the laundry room door as she walked by. We completed the tour of the finished side of her basement and went back to the laundry room to find her toddler kneeling in front of the dog dish eating dry dog food with both hands. Since I found this more hilarious than gross, she felt necessary (after asking me if I have kids-- I do not) to trump this experience by explaining that this same child will nibble on the contents of her diaper if she doesn't get right in and change her in the morning. For weeks to come I'll shudder every time I'm grasped by random small children with their drooly fingers in these houses.
Bex said…
Ewwww...I will walk a little taller today, knowing that my kid isn't the grossest one out there. Because MY KID has never (to my knowledge) eaten the contents of his diaper! Woohoo!!!

That having been said, though, I feel compelled to admit that my kid IS a connoisseur of dog food. His strong preference is to dunk it in water, then eat it. So I guess he's still pretty gross.

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