Well, today has been, thus far, quite enlightening. I swear, I only took my eyes off of the boy for 2 minutes. Suddenly I realized that it was deafeningly quiet in the house. Which, of course, means that the little shit was Up To Something. I walk into the laundry room to find him with my beloved bottle of Shout. The bottle had been full and was now pretty much empty. He had sprayed it all over the fridge in there. It was also oozing out of his mouth and onto his shirt (which I'm guessing is going to be SPARKLING clean the next time I wash it).
So I assumed the 'Oh Shit!' position (which is, in case you don't have a 2 year old boy, mouth and eyes perfectly open, hand grasping for phone to call 9-1-1). 911 put me through to Poison Control who asked me to read the label to him. I did and he put me on hold to figure out what I needed to do with my idiot, detergent eating son (and in the mean time I demonstrated my multi-tasking skills by changing a poopie diaper that smelled like Old Death).
I'm already thinking a few steps ahead of this guy...we'll probably be sent somewhere to have him looked at. I hope they don't need to pump his stomach. I'll need to get someone else to get the girls from school. I guess this means that I now need to interrupt my husband at work.... The guy gets back on the line and says, "Well! I looked it up and it turns out that Shout is really pretty much just water. It has a TINY bit of detergent that, at the worst, might irritate his skin a bit if you don't rinse it off. So, he's gonna be fine. Don't worry about it! Have a good day and feel free to call us again if anyone else eats something stupid."
Naturally I'm relieved. I put Thing 3 down for his nap and sat down to let you know about my day. But now that I'm thinking about it I'm starting to get pissed off because apparently I have - FOR YEARS - been diligently pre-treating our many laundry stains with WATER.
I'm suddenly very thirsty. For vodka. Maybe I'll throw a little Shout floater on top to see what happens (my prediction: nothing).
www.rqmitchell.blogspot.com
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So I assumed the 'Oh Shit!' position (which is, in case you don't have a 2 year old boy, mouth and eyes perfectly open, hand grasping for phone to call 9-1-1). 911 put me through to Poison Control who asked me to read the label to him. I did and he put me on hold to figure out what I needed to do with my idiot, detergent eating son (and in the mean time I demonstrated my multi-tasking skills by changing a poopie diaper that smelled like Old Death).
I'm already thinking a few steps ahead of this guy...we'll probably be sent somewhere to have him looked at. I hope they don't need to pump his stomach. I'll need to get someone else to get the girls from school. I guess this means that I now need to interrupt my husband at work.... The guy gets back on the line and says, "Well! I looked it up and it turns out that Shout is really pretty much just water. It has a TINY bit of detergent that, at the worst, might irritate his skin a bit if you don't rinse it off. So, he's gonna be fine. Don't worry about it! Have a good day and feel free to call us again if anyone else eats something stupid."
Naturally I'm relieved. I put Thing 3 down for his nap and sat down to let you know about my day. But now that I'm thinking about it I'm starting to get pissed off because apparently I have - FOR YEARS - been diligently pre-treating our many laundry stains with WATER.
I'm suddenly very thirsty. For vodka. Maybe I'll throw a little Shout floater on top to see what happens (my prediction: nothing).
www.rqmitchell.blogspot.com
Humor-Blogs Link
Comments
Well, thank you for the compliment! Maybe we should start a Mommy blog sisterhood. Because we are truly in this together, you know?? Have a great night!!
Bex
That having been said, though, I feel compelled to admit that my kid IS a connoisseur of dog food. His strong preference is to dunk it in water, then eat it. So I guess he's still pretty gross.