Rollin' Thru Kroger

Tonight, when my husband got home from work, I said, "That's IT! I'm outta here!" So I made my stand and went to the grocery store for milk and bread. The saddest thing is that I really enjoyed myself. I took my time, browsing around. Hmmm. Do I want the Natures Own 7 Grain Bread or the Whole Grain Wonder Bread?? The Organic or regular milk? It was great...not once did anyone ask me to wipe their ass or nose.

As I finished up my shopping I found myself presented with yet another option - did I want to deal with the what I'm sure is a stellar Kroger employee or would I prefer to ring and bag up my own stuff? You guessed it...I decided that if anyone was going to drool on my groceries it would be me and I rang up my own stuff. As I was waiting for a self-serve terminal I noticed the two women in front of me. The first thing I noticed is that they were taking FOREVER. I've refinanced mortgages in less time than it took them to ring up 11 items.

The second thing I noticed about them is that one of the women had HUGE gold curlers in her hair. At 9PM on a Thursday. I began to wonder...what would it take to get me in Kroger's with rollers in my hair? This means that she left her home - I'm assuming on purpose - got into a car and drove around. She pulled into a large parking lot, got a shopping cart and carefully chose a handful of items to purchase. Was she in the self service line because she thought fewer people would see her? Somehow I think not. She wasn't slinking around. She was acting normally.

Perhaps this is one of those litmus tests - will you or will you not cheat to get ahead? What about go to a grocery store with curlers in your hair? I will not. First of all, I could count on my right hand how many times I've even PUT curlers in my hair. So that alone cuts down my Curler Shopping Opportunities. Second of all, I happen to know that I look like a lunatic in this condition. So I purposefully get seen by NOBODY. If my house caught on fire while I was curling my hair I would run down the stairs pulling wildly at curlers. In fact, I think that it is far more likely that I show up at Kroger in my underwear AND a twig up my nose then with curlers in my hair. Further, it is fair to say that if you EVER see me with rollers in my hair that I am, at a minimum, under severe duress and probably in need of some kind of medication. So be sure to help a sista out, will ya??


Nina said…
Love your blog. Love Kroger too. I'm a regular supermarket slut.
Sunspotbaby said…
I actually got hired for a cashier's job at a supermarket when I had curlers in my hair. True story. This was a long, long, LONG time ago (early sixties and before curling irons - well before "modern" curling irons...)and everyone went out with curlers in their hair if they wanted to look nice that night. I saw the "now hiring" sign and being broke, I was looking at it and the manager asked me if I was interested. I was a little embarrassed being caught in curlers, but I said, well yes, but I'll come back later and apply. He said, no need, handed me an application (it was like ten lines) and I filled it out and he hired me on the spot!! What a doll he was. Either that or he was just desperate for a cashier....

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