An Ode To Dominic

I know this guy who always knows the most perfectly hilarious comment to any situation. It's just uncanny.

One time he came to visit us in South Florida. We had all gone out the night before and were, shall I say, a bit over served. The next morning pancakes sounded REALLY good. As luck would have it we lived pretty close to an International House of Pancakes and off we went. We miscalculated something important, however, that can be summed up in two words: Church People. It was Sunday and there was a fairly significant line to get in. We put our names on the list and sat down on the pleather (looks kind of like leather but it's really plastic and in South Florida your butt will stick to it no matter what the temperature is outside) bench and waited for a table. About 20 minutes into our wait the door slowly swung open and in walked a very interesting couple. They were both probably in their late 70's and I'll bet their contemporaries referred to them as "Dapper". The husband, however, had a Grecian Formula dependency issue as his hair was the most unnatural shade of black I've ever seen. And it was teased up and greased back with some kind of gel. The thing that was most freaky about him was that his eyebrows were equally dyed. His skin was white, pasty and wrinkled. And then there was this shock of black...WEIRD. To offset the hair insanity he had decided to go for the White Patent Leather Cowboy Look. The accessories were staggering: white patent leather belt with HUGE buckle, white patent leather shoes that sparkled and a tasteful turquoise necklace that was about 4 inches in diameter. Gotta get me some of that...

Taking him in visually took a full 90 seconds. And then your eyes drifted over to the wife. Whoa, Nelly. She was a looker. In a "this might actually turn me into stone" kind of way. Shoulder length black hair teased beyond recognition with a too-bizarre-to- have-been- purchased white stripe going down the side of her head. Her eyes had been carefully outlined with a jet-black magic marker. Her eyebrows rivaled those of her husband (not really a good thing). She was also decked out in white. On her right hand was a 3 pound red acrylic ring. Seriously...this thing was the same size as an egg on a ring...and you could see through it. She was kind of humped over and her blouse was unbuttoned one too many buttons for me to feel comfortable. Like I said, she was pushing 80. It's time to restrain the twins, ladies, when you've passed your life expectancy. I'm just saying...

So back to my friend Dominic. We've all been staring at this couple for a few minutes. I was at a loss for words. Dominic leans over and says, "Da dunna dunna." And then he snapped his fingers twice. The theme song to the Adams Family. All I know is that I laughed so hard that I pulled a small muscle in my leg.

We had been eagerly expecting Dominic's visit and my husband had a carefully planned itinerary for the week. Day 1 included sunbathing at our pool overlooking the river. He hadn't, however, counted on the very unusual cold snap. It was in the 60's and foggy. But Don's schedule was important and we, therefore, suited up and headed down to the pool. The three of us were shivering quietly, lying there side-by-side watching foggy clouds stumble by. After a few minutes Dominic summed it up, "Aaahhhh...I can feel the sun burning a hole right through me." Like I said...he just has a way with words.