Skip to main content

News Flashing

Ugh. I just read the news headlines today. And now I'm SO depressed. Jeez...Heath Ledger is dead??? WTF??? Dude didn't even make it to 30. That really sucks. Oh, and speaking of sucking, can we talk politics for a minute? Oh! Wait, I forgot...I'd rather slam one of my hooters in a car door. (And yes, ladies and gentlemen, I've nursed three babies. It can be done.)

My disdain for all things political aside, there was a funny clip this week. I don't know if it hit the mainstream media or not but, as I live in Atlanta, Martin Luther King Day is a big deal around here. There was a celebration in Dr. Kings church (Ebenezer Baptist Church) and sitting behind the podium was our favorite First Gentleman Hopeful, Bill Clinton. Who fell asleep. It reminded me of any class I took in high school and college that pertained to math. The chin resting in an open hand. Elbow, on the arm rest. Head, occasionally nodding. Eyes, closed (although every now and then you could see that the eye brows were trying to pull them open). The only thing missing was the head snapping back in an impromptu snore. That would have been awesome. I wonder if he was dreaming about the I Have A Dream speech during his nap. That would have been ironic, no?

It makes me wonder what Kanye West would say. And in case you don't follow rap and hip hop like Yours Truly, he's the guy who shocked the hell out of Mike Myers by stating, "George Bush doesn't care about black people" during a televised fundraiser for those who lost their homes in Katrina. George W. is probably thinking, "Oh REALLY. I don't like black people! That's RICH. At least I didn't take a nap during a celebration of the life of Dr. Martin Luther King!!"

This picture was taken right after Kanye said it. I felt like I could literally see the color drain from Mikes's face. "ehhhh...hmmmm?" Classic.

The last thing I read in the news was about something that transpired in Australia. A guy was looking for Crocodile eggs (seriously...WHY???). It really shouldn't have been much a surprise to anyone when he was attacked by a Crocodile. The funny thing is that his friend came to his rescue. I guess in all of the excitement that goes along with watching your mate get chewed on this guy got a little careless and shot his friend with a gun. While a Crocodile was trying to EAT him. This, my friends, is when it's time to go home. The party is over. It's officially a Bad Day.

I must admit, though, the friend did EXACTLY what I would have done in the same situation.

Step 1: point your loaded gun at the crocodile.
Step 2: Squeeze your eyes shut tightly.
Step 3: Fire off every available bullet in the animals general direction while screaming an incoherent stream of obscenities.


In my quest to find a scary picture of a crocodile to show you guys I found this little gem. If it weren't for the pink silk pants and blouse ensemble (with gold trim) I'd swear this guy was from the South. His last words MUST have been, "HEY! Watch THIS!!!" Again...WHY? Did he lose something? Perhaps he just had to know if the email he received about crocs having wicked halitosis was just an urban legend?

Comments

Bee said…
oh my god!! I thought I was the only one that had caught the Kanye Mike thing since nobody ever knows what I'm talking about! I kept rewinding my DVR and watching it over and over!

Popular posts from this blog

The Dunkin Donuts Dilemna

I am always amazed when I leave my home in the early hours of the morning and there are people out and about. I can barely see the runners (as the sun isn't yet passed the horizon) but they are hoofing it up the hill. Don't these people know that they should be home - in bed - snuggled up???! So you can imagine my surprise when, at 6AM, I saw the impressive line at my local Dunkin Donuts. But we were heading out of town on a road trip with 3 little kids (all under 8) and a 2 month old puppy. I know what you are thinking...WHY??! We very anxiously wanted to travel for a little bit of more pain - AKA my 20th High School reunion. Maybe more on that later... As if this all weren't bad enough, my husband and I had been to a party the night before and I had just the slightest headache. So I needed coffee and like all reasonable people I went to the Dunkin Donuts because their coffee is THE BEST coffee anywhere! Starbucks can kiss my lilly white! But I digress... So I get in the l...

A Housewife's Dirty Confession...

I have Vaseline underneath my right index finger nail. No amount of soap and water seems to vanquish it. Sshhhhh. Don't tell anyone, K? Because that could lead to awkward questions. But I'll tell you what - today, just for shits and giggles, let's skip the questions completely and just go to the answers. And, GO. Projectile vomiting. One massive pile in the doctor's waiting room. Once in the car. Twice at home. Yes, that IS a lot of puke for a two year old. Anal suppositories. TWICE. No I am not honoring my pledge to lay off of the cosmo's for a while and fuck you for bringing that up after the day I've had. Did this make you smile? Or were you just envious that you didn't get to spend the morning pinning down a pissed off and puking two year old long enough to further enrage him by shoving a suppository up his ass? (thought so) Either way, feel free to click my HB smiley below. And, as always, if you're shopping around for funny blogs this is the pl...

Light a match!

You know, people are getting so touchy these days. I just read this news story about a THIRTEEN year old kid who got arrested. When I saw the headline I thought, "Man, this country is going to hell in a hand basket. What did this criminal mastermind DO, anyway?? Did he steal a car? Get his moms attention by throwing a cleaver at her head? Sexually assault his little sibling??" Noooo.... No, this kid farted in school. And then got arrested. Apparently I went to school with a bunch of felons and didn't even know it. Besides, have you seen what they feed these kids in school lunchrooms?? And "The Man" is going to blame intestinal distress on HIM??! Let's file this under "Give Me A Fucking Break, Please." The teacher said that he was purposefully farting and therefore disrupting the class. Plus? This little fucker turned off a few computers that his friends were working on. I think it would be far more incredible if you could find me a 13 year old who...