Some people say it's gross...

I think the theme for todays blog will be Kids Say and Do the Darndest Things. I hope that works for you. If not maybe you should skip down to read about a chick who lost her shit at Dunkin Donuts. For some weird reason I think that story has broader appeal than this one. Anyhoo...

One morning I had been nursing my son who was about a week old and my middle child, Allison, came into the room and watched her new brother with wonder in her eyes. The sun was just beginning to rise and sunlight was filtering through the bedroom window. I laid Jax down on the bed to change his wet diaper. I was sitting up with him between my legs and took off his old diaper and gently picked him up by his legs to slide the new diaper under his butt. At this very moment shit sprayed out of his undiapered bottom. It splattered all over my stomach and shot up the right sleeve of my bathrobe. I was absolutely speechless. Allison stared at me in shock and horror. We both took a moment to consider the events that we had just witnessed. She then said, "Well! I'm NEVER gonna have a baby if THAT'S what they do!" Amen, Sista. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have had one either, had I known this was a possibility.

My husband walked in and I told him what happened. He said, "Gross. Maybe you should take a shower."

I remember thinking HOW lucky I am to have SUCH a perceptive and insightful spouse. What a GREAT idea! Gee..I really wish I had thought of that on my own...a shower! That WOULD be a way to get the shit off of my stomach. But instead of sharing my appreciation for him I said something more like, "What do I look like, a fucking idiot?! Do I really look like someone who wouldn't know that when an infant sprays diarrhea on her stomach that it's time to take a shower???! REALLY???! How fortunate I am to have you here, to give me such solid advice."

I know what you're thinking and you're right - he IS a lucky man.


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