Yesterday I went shopping for groceries at Costco. I go there at least once a week as we are Consumers of an extraordinary magnitude. My cart was brimming with the giant kinds of boxes that one finds at a warehouse store - the package of toilet paper was bigger than my two year old so I hid it at the bottom of my cart. I was finishing up my shopping expedition on the cereal aisle when I encountered an Older Gentleman who was looking at a huge box of Super Duper Fiber Cereal. I was immediately slightly embarrassed. I felt like he could have been wearing a shirt that said, "I need help shitting!"

I quickly averted my eyes and walked on past him. For some reason he felt compelled to tell me, "Jeez. They give you eight grams of fiber but 180 grams of sodium! WHAT are they thinking?!" And then he smiles conspiratorially at me, like we are Comrades of the Commode or something. I don't know if he could read the expression on my face or not but I was thinking that there should really be a rule that when one is purchasing anything related to fiber, incontinence, ANY form of intestinal distress, sexual relations or menstrual cycles that nobody should be allowed to talk to each other.

The worst part is after he left the store I found myself continuing checking labels on his behalf. "Hmmm. This Quaker stuff has only 6 grams of fiber but 160 grams of sodium. I wonder if that ratio works better for my constipated friend." As I passed by the gigantic can of Metamucil Fiber Capsules I slowly nodded my head, realizing that the search was over. Three grams of fiber, no sodium...and all you have to do is choke down 6 large capsules. Yep, this is clearly the better choice. But he was long gone. He's probably at the local drugstore embarrassing the Pharmacist with his incessantly loud questions about the medical risks involved with taking Viagra. "So you're saying erections lasting more than six hours, I call 911, eh? Hmmm... I just don't know. Well, is there any sodium in it?"


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