Almost every morning I have eggs for breakfast. I love them poached or over easy with a little butter. In fact my family eats so many eggs that I buy 3 dozen at a time. This is why I found it so surprising that, when given the opportunity, the idea of eating a Farm Fresh egg made me feel like I needed to barf. And here is why: Farm Fresh eggs don't come in a Styrofoam container. No indeed. Rather, they come out of the asshole of a chicken. Did you get that? The bird SHITS out its offspring. And then we crack open its' protective layer and fry it in some butter.

Did I mention that they are warm to the touch and the shell is covered with a gooey afterbirth? Oh, yeah! And sometimes, if you get really lucky there can be feathers and hay and shit stuck to it in the goop. And then there is the yolk. It is noticeably more orange in color than its' store bought counterparts leaving you to wonder WHY.

This past summer we vacationed on a lovely farm. Horses, chickens, roosters, asparagus, lettuce, artichokes, beans, name it, it grew in this garden.

Every morning my daughters would run to the chicken coop to bring me the Farm Fresh eggs. They were SO excited when they found one. They would proudly run into the kitchen and hand it to me. I would always say, "OH! Look at that! Well...what a lovely egg! And it's still warm! Imagine! Ummm...are you hungry? Yeah, me either."

While I was there I snuck out to the grocery store and bought eggs. I would stockpile the Fresh ones and serve them to my family and when it was time for mine I'd cook one from the store. But I don't think it OFFICIALLY makes me a bad mom and wife...I mean, I was giving them the BEST, right? They got the freshest eggs, and I took the crummy older ones. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what being a mom is all about. Taking the occasional hit for the team. If I have to eat plain old white, sanitized eggs so you can have the brown, goopy, shitted on ones, well then, that's what I'll do.


Sunspotbaby said…
Oh, this is so funny - a friend who grew up on a farm and came back with some "farm fresh" eggs brought all of us a carton. Welllllll, I was SO suspicious of those bright, orange yolks, I just couldn't enjoy them. I swear they tasted "funny." (Probably the way eggs are SUPPOSED to taste!!) At any rate, I couldn't eat any more and threw them away. No kids left at home to pawn them off, I mean treat them to.

Popular posts from this blog

Every woman's dream - a homemade MacGyver vibrator (with the optional mullet attachment)

Florida: The Good. The Bad. The Holy SHIT!!!

The Wild and Wonderful World of Animal Butts