Skip to main content

Thanksgiving in the South

I live in the South and, as most people know, Southerners are very fond of deep fried food. Chicken, okra (shudder), onions, and even pickles are all fried southern favorites. So it should come as no surprise that we also deep fry turkeys. We are southern imports (born and raised elsewhere) so when my husband first mentioned to me that he would like to spend one hundred dollars for an Official Turkey Fryer I thought that he was joking. Like we need one more way to consume too many calories on our favorite Thursday of the year. But he insisted that this would be a Good Purchase that would get Good Use every year. So we bought the damned thing.

The first year we had it I bought two turkeys. One for the oven and one to fuck up in the fryer. Mine took many hours in the oven. The one Don cooked was done in about 45 minutes. I still wasn't impressed. I hate fried chicken so I assumed that I would hate a big, greasy turkey that had been deep fried. But here is the thing - it wasn't greasy at all. In fact, the only difference between our two birds was that the fried one was moist and tender on the inside. They say its because the peanut oil cauterizes the skin and locks in the moisture. At any rate, it's delicious and how we prepare our bird every year now. It's become a family tradition and now "dropping the bird" into the oil has become a must-see family event. Every adult pours a cocktail and gets ready to call 911 in case Don puts it in upside down (apparently it will come shooting out of the pot and start a big grease fire). Have you heard the popular saying of a Southerners last words? It's "HEY! Watch this...!"

This process calls for quite a large amount of peanut oil and this is why, in fact, I have a 35 pound jug of it in my laundry room as I type. For some reason (it may be just to annoy me) my husband leaves the old oil in the fryer in our garage ALL YEAR LONG. The day before Thanksgiving he dumps out the old stuff, scrubs the pot out and gets it ready for the fresh oil.

This past summer I had the kids outside playing in the sprinklers. The girls were in their bathing suits and Jax was in his birthday suit. I turned my back on him for ONE SECOND and spun around when I heard him make a strange noise. I have no idea what happened but he was standing next to the fryer and his naked body was COMPLETELY coated in old, funky peanut oil. He had marinated himself in rancid peanut oil that had been used to fry a turkey 8 months ago. Ick. It was in his hair, all over his sweet little face as well as covering his body. Jax was rapidly blinking, trying to get it out of his eyes. He knew when he saw me staring that he was in Trouble. So that's when he tried to run away. Of course the peanut oil was all over the ground, too. So he did a little Road Runner thing with his legs moving yet making no headway and then his feet went flying out from under him. He landed flat on his ass and slid halfway across our garage.

He wasn't old enough to talk yet but I'll bet he was thinking, "HEY! Watch this...!"

www.rqmitchell.blogspot.com


PS Thanks to Amy at www.sixbeans.com for reminding me about this!! Bex

Comments

Cindy Breninger said…
hehehe, ok, that was pretty funny! hehehehe loved it. :)
Cindy
www.adayinthelifeofcindy.blogspot.com
Bex said…
Thanks, Cindy! I loved your site, too. Thanks for stopping by! Bex

Popular posts from this blog

Pervy McPervert strikes again!

When I was a kid I used to make the occasional prank call. But then I turned 13 and decided that it was a fairly retarded way to spend ones time. I've also received a few "heavy breathing" calls in my day. My mom finally bought us a whistle and said that whenever "he" called that we were to blow the whistle as loud as we could into the phone. That worked although I do wish she had specified that before blowing the whistle I should take the receiver away from my head as my ear made this weird ringing noise for days afterward. But it got rid of the pervert. It's a new day, however, and perverts must be looking for new ways to annoy us. Twice today someone has texted a picture to me. I have no idea who he is or what the hell he wants. But he must think that I don't know that sometimes shirtless men squeeze their arms against their chest to give the appearance that they actually have biceps when, in fact, their arms really look like toothpicks that are broke

And The Winner Is...

I have some very exciting news. For the first time ever the Blog of Bex is giving out an award . Yes, I know. I can feel my heart pounding, too. I will call it the Bite My Ass Award (BMAA) and I'm sure it will be coveted. Now you might be wondering just who will be the lucky recipient. Could it be Diesel, the mastermind of Humor-Blogs and Mattress Police , who - for reasons unknown to me - revamped the scoring system and and reset my score to zero? Nope. This action has actually mysteriously seemed to work in my favor. I'm sure it's temporary. ANYWAY, on to the big news. I hereby give my BMAA to this guy: Handsome little fucker, isn't he? His name is James Jackson, IV and his friends call him Jay. I like to call him Fucktard because I believe that your name should say something about the kind of guy you are. And he's a total fucktard. What, you may wonder, did he do to generate such ire from me? Well I'm so glad you asked. He owns two boutiques in suburban At

The Dunkin Donuts Dilemna

I am always amazed when I leave my home in the early hours of the morning and there are people out and about. I can barely see the runners (as the sun isn't yet passed the horizon) but they are hoofing it up the hill. Don't these people know that they should be home - in bed - snuggled up???! So you can imagine my surprise when, at 6AM, I saw the impressive line at my local Dunkin Donuts. But we were heading out of town on a road trip with 3 little kids (all under 8) and a 2 month old puppy. I know what you are thinking...WHY??! We very anxiously wanted to travel for a little bit of more pain - AKA my 20th High School reunion. Maybe more on that later... As if this all weren't bad enough, my husband and I had been to a party the night before and I had just the slightest headache. So I needed coffee and like all reasonable people I went to the Dunkin Donuts because their coffee is THE BEST coffee anywhere! Starbucks can kiss my lilly white! But I digress... So I get in the l