Starbucks Confessional

I hate Starbucks coffee. It tastes like unfiltered, bitter sludge. Yet today I drove many miles out of my way to visit one. Even worse, I drove past 2 other Starbucks to go to this PARTICULAR one. And I am not very proud of the reason. It was the only one with a drive-through.

I blame my extraordinary laziness on the Nyquil I took last night. What the hell do they put in that stuff that just completely knocks me on my ass??! I thought that an expensive cup of tea handed to me through an open window of the car might help my recovery.

Anyway, I approach the store window and, when asked, I state that I would like the Venti Chai Latte made with whole milk. And the guy says, "Venti, Whole Milk Chai. Anything else?" They always change the order in which I said the words. Why is that? Did I order my tea wrong? Am I presenting myself as some kind of Tea Poser by the way I've requested it? I just know that tomorrow I'll ask for a Venti Whole Milk Chai and the guy will say, "Whole Milk Chai, Venti. Got it. Anything else?"

While I'm waiting the song Juicy Fruit comes on. I haven't heard this song since I used to wear big, TALL bangs. So I turn it up and listen to the words...

Candy rain

Comin’ down
Taste you in my mind
And spread you all around

Here I am

Oh, this love’s for you

Hey, baby

Sweet as honey dew

Close my eyes

Oh, what fantasy

And you’re right here with me


Cherry blossom kiss

What you’re givin’

Makes my body rock

Keeps me sizzlin’

Do what you want

I don’t care

I’ll be your lollipop

[You can lick me everywhere]

Juicy fruit (You’re so)

Juicy (Juicy)

Juicy fruit (Yeah...hey...hey...hey...hey...)


Wow. I wonder what my Literary Forum homeys would have to say about this little nugget. It is incredible to me that someone thought of this and probably said, "Someone! Anyone! Hand me a pen and paper! I have this awesome idea for a song!!! Hurry, before I lose it!" Then they wrote it down and showed it to at least one other person who said, "You're a genius! THIS is going to be a great song."And then, decades later, it still gets air time on the radio. Incredible.

The tea was good, though.


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