Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water!!!


I saw the movie Jaws at an impressionable age. Living near the coast in South Florida I had daily opportunities to go to the beach. But I never wanted to go into the water because any time ANYTHING even so much as TOUCHED me (sea weed, coral, a friend) I freaked out - convinced that a shark was going to eat me.

In fact, to get me out of water all you have to do is one of two things. The first is to look over my shoulder in surprise or horror. The second way is to hum the Jaws theme song. Da duh. Da duh. Daduh daduh DADUH DADUH!!! I could walk on water when I hear that. And this doesn't remain isolated with the beach. These two methods have worked in pools and even in the bathtub.

The only thing that ever "bit" me in the ocean was a jellyfish. Now don't get me wrong, it hurt like a MUTHA but there was little doubt as to whether I would survive it or not. I love going to the beach for vacation but I still to this day remain vigilant at the ocean...

A couple of years ago my husband, Don, was invited to go to Jamaica with a buddy. He was having a great time, as the resort was all-inclusive and he was up to his eye balls in pina coladas and massive food buffets.

One day he decided to borrow a snorkel and check out the local reef. He was really getting into it and was impressed by the many beautiful fish. (Cue the Jaws music.) Suddenly, he felt something grab his leg. Startled, he spun around to find an apparent Jamaican local (sans snorkel). The Rastafarian repeated his inquiry as to whether Don would or would not like to purchase some pot. Don looked around, absolutely incredulous, and said, "Ummm, I'm SNORKELING. In the ocean." What was this guy thinking? Talk about an inopportune time to shop for drugs. Don has wondered, in hindsight, what made him appear to be a good prospect for this guy. Was it the mask/flipper combo? The fact that he was already inhaling strongly through a tube? It's hard to say...

The ironic part of the story is that this encounter made Don feel paranoid and he eventually quit snorkeling and went to the bar for a stiff drink. I'll tell you, though, for my money, I'll take the Rastafarian drug dealer over a shark any day of the week.

PS Check out the Humor Blogs Website! They have relatively few sharks...

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