Skip to main content

I'm Still Here!

I couldn't help but notice that my site meter number has been creeping up which means that there is someone out there LISTENING. Wow. I had no idea.

Normally I try to post something at least every other day or so BUT some Sadist at the county education department has given my kids off TWO days - Monday AND Tuesday. Bastards!!!

I've found it very difficult to try to put a coherent sentence together with a chorus of the following:

Amanda: Mom! MOM! Allison put a booger on me!

Allison: Did not! DID NOT! Well, I pretended to put one on her because SHE sat on my bed! AFTER I MADE IT!!! She's SO mean!!!!!

Amanda: I sat on the bed because YOU punched me in the stomach because I said that Hannah Montana sings that song better than you!

Allison: SHE DOES NOT! I just forgot the words, that's all! I'm a GOOD singer!

Amanda: Bbpppptttttt...whatEVER.

Allison begins making murderous noises with the back of her throat and Amanda runs for the hills.

In the meantime, Jax (almost 2) spends his time torturing the dog (don't tell Mutts and Moms) while trying to create a life threatening head injury on himself. This kid is like Spiderman. He climbs everything. We put a gate up on our stairs (to prevent such a catastrophe) and he now LOVES to spend his days sneaking towards them and climbing them - on the outside of the banister.

At least the dog has diarrhea. That's something. She's become a shitting machine, leaving trails of horror wherever she goes.

SO. I'm busy. I'm living for Wednesday (the next school day). I'm up to my knickers in dog shit. And my Grandma wants me to start potty training Jax. Because we don't have QUITE enough shit on the floor. A little more would make things...well...perfect.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

And The Winner Is...

I have some very exciting news. For the first time ever the Blog of Bex is giving out an award . Yes, I know. I can feel my heart pounding, too. I will call it the Bite My Ass Award (BMAA) and I'm sure it will be coveted. Now you might be wondering just who will be the lucky recipient. Could it be Diesel, the mastermind of Humor-Blogs and Mattress Police , who - for reasons unknown to me - revamped the scoring system and and reset my score to zero? Nope. This action has actually mysteriously seemed to work in my favor. I'm sure it's temporary. ANYWAY, on to the big news. I hereby give my BMAA to this guy: Handsome little fucker, isn't he? His name is James Jackson, IV and his friends call him Jay. I like to call him Fucktard because I believe that your name should say something about the kind of guy you are. And he's a total fucktard. What, you may wonder, did he do to generate such ire from me? Well I'm so glad you asked. He owns two boutiques in suburban At...

Pervy McPervert strikes again!

When I was a kid I used to make the occasional prank call. But then I turned 13 and decided that it was a fairly retarded way to spend ones time. I've also received a few "heavy breathing" calls in my day. My mom finally bought us a whistle and said that whenever "he" called that we were to blow the whistle as loud as we could into the phone. That worked although I do wish she had specified that before blowing the whistle I should take the receiver away from my head as my ear made this weird ringing noise for days afterward. But it got rid of the pervert. It's a new day, however, and perverts must be looking for new ways to annoy us. Twice today someone has texted a picture to me. I have no idea who he is or what the hell he wants. But he must think that I don't know that sometimes shirtless men squeeze their arms against their chest to give the appearance that they actually have biceps when, in fact, their arms really look like toothpicks that are broke...

Protesting at Funerals: A Look at the Deranged and Demented

I normally like to write about funny things. (At least they are things that I find funny.) They are usually attempts to be funny in a ha-ha kind of way, although sometimes I will throw in something that's funny in a weird way, just to shake things up. But what I want to write about now isn't funny at all. It is shocking and horrific. There was a girl from my home town who was murdered at Auburn University last week. Her name was Lauren Burk and she was 18. She went to our local high school and although I didn't know her many of my friends children did. She's being buried today. Her family is, naturally, heartbroken. It was a random, tragic and violent attack. That's really bad enough. My husband drove by the funeral home yesterday and noticed that there was a small army of Harley Davidson riders holding American flags. They appeared to be guarding the memorial service. It turns out that they were asked to be there to protect the family because a group called the We...