And The Designated Asshole Du Jour IS...I'll give you a hint - she just had 8 babies all at once....

I realize that this is well-covered territory. But the welfare cow from the state of California is SERIOUSLY pissing me off. What the fuck could she be thinking?!

I'm not sure how the news story officially developed. But here is how I processed it:

A lady in California had octuplets?! Jesus...what is that, eight?! EIGHT babies?! Fuck me...I hope that shit's not contagious!

The octuplets mom isn't married? Huh. Must be some trust fund baby with more money then sense.

SHE LIVES WITH HER MOTHER?! IN A SMALL HOUSE???!!! AND they have no money AND her mom said she did not and would not support her in this pursuit. Holy shit....

What the...the doctor submitted the hospital bill to the state for payment?! She receives food stamps (and other state benefits) for the SIX kids she already has. But she doesn't believe that she's on welfare. Right.

She set up a website to receive donations. Unbelievable. I'll get right on that. Right after I send in a generous contribution to the Save The Mosquito's Foundation. Now she's wondering why the media has "turned on her" and she's receiving death threats.

Let me take a stab at that, Nadya. I'm guessing that you've been too self-absorbed in the most grotesque way to have noticed that our country is in financial difficulty. People are losing their jobs and their homes. Marriages are ending because the financial strain makes it impossible to even carry on a civil conversation in the house, never mind nurture a close relationship. People who have been saving their money for a lifetime cannot any longer afford to send their kids to college. Some with medical issues are waiting for treatment because they just don't have the money right now. Too bad they don't know about the Nadya Suleman Method - just fucking do it and someone else will magically pick up the tab! (Why didn't I think of that when I saw those Jimmy Choo's that I really WANTED??!)

And here you are, with your head so far up your ass I'm surprised that your jackass doctor was able to get a hold of your uterus. You were quoted as saying that you "wanted a big family". Well guess what, asshole - your WANTS should not supersede the NEEDS of the people who live with or near you. Particularly since THEY are the ones who have EARNED their own fucking money that is being taxed to pay for your ridiculous existence!!!

Ugh. What a crock of shit.

Jessie, Jessie, Two-by-four, how will she ever get through the door?

A newspaper headline caught my eye today.

"Nick Lachey Defends His Ex-Wife Jessica Simpson!"

Against what or whom, I couldn't help but wonder. Did that football player she's dating smack her around? Or maybe it's that wacko dad of hers. He always kind of creeped me out....

No, it turns out that people in the press are busting on Jessica for gaining weight. She has had the audacity to go from a size zero to a size two, the ginormous whore. And well-meaning supporters are coming out of the woodwork to give her back-handed compliments.

Her ex-husband Nick must have been really pleased with this zinger:

"I hope she's happy, whatever size she comes in. I wish her nothing but the best."

I have no problem with the beginning or ending of this statement. It's the gooey insides that I take issue with, as in "...whatever size she comes in."

He may as well said (while reviewing the latest paparazzi shot), "Damn, she is a porker, eh?? I always figured that she'd balloon up one of these days. Well, she's a sweet girl, bless her heart."

I cannot imagine someone giving an unflattering picture to one of my exes and then asking him to comment on it. I would be mortified. And then, after a few introspective moments, I would go on a brownie fueled rampage, killing every photographer within my sights.